XX ADULT PUNS!

When a horse-playing golfer named Trey
Goosed a girl in the rough one fine day
He found her, though willing,
Just barely fulfilling,
"I would rate her," said Trey, "a par lay."

A college girl comes back to the dorm after spending all day hiking in the
wilderness with her boyfriend.
After her shower she's toweling off when her roommate notices her butt all
bruised up black and blue.
"Good heavens! What happened to you? You're all bruised up."
She replied,
"Well, you know how it goes, just got caught between a rock and a hard-on."

Buggery is boring.
Incest is relatively boring,
Necrophilia is dead boring.

There was an announcement in our homeowners association bulletin of a
meeting of the local Premature Ejaculators Anonymous group at the clubhouse
at 8 PM Wednesday.
I decided to go and see what the group was like.
I walked into the clubhouse meeting room just before 8:00 that evening and
found the room completely empty.
It was then I realized that I came too soon.

What did the Indian say when the prostitute tied a knot in his pecker?
\"How come!"

A guy is put before the judge's bench because he is on trial for paying a
prostitute for sex.
"How do you plead?" asks the judge, to the defendant.
"Not Guilty, your honour."
Showing him a videotape of the alleged act, the prosecutor responds,
"How can you possibly convince the court of your innocence, if we have both
the sex act, plus your subsequent payment to the alleged prostitute right
here on tape?"
"Easy," says the defendant, "I'll admit to the court that although I wasn't
engaged in an act of prostitution, I was committing another 'heinous' crime
-- gambling."
"Gambling?" responds the prosecutor.
"How so?"
"Well you see," answers the defendant, "I went up to the young lady earlier
that night as she was working in a topless bar and said to her, 'I'll bet
you $200 that you don't get to have sex with me tonight'. That videotape is
just footage of me losing the bet!"

What's the best way to make yourself last with your girlfriend?
Let everyone else go first!

Charles was taking his out-of-town buddy Clyde on a walking tour of the
city.
Clyde saw a good-looking girl and asked Charles if he knew her.
"Yes, that's Jacqueline -- one hundred and twenty dollars."
A little further along, Clyde spotted an even more stunning girl and asked
if Charles happened to know her also.
"Yes, that Rosalynn -- one hundred and eighty dollars."
After the process was repeated twice more, Clyde remarked,
"Good Heavens! Aren't there any respectable women in this city?"
"Of course!" replied Charles, highly offended. "But you couldn't afford them
either."

Why did the priest get AIDS?
He forgot to clean his organ between hymns!

This man walks in to a psychiatrist's office and lies down on the couch.
The shrink says,
"What makes you think you need the services of a psychiatrist?"
The man replies that he wakes up every night in the kitchen after some
pretty crazy sleepwalking.
The shrink says,
"So, would you like me to try to cure you of sleepwalking?"
The man explains that the sleepwalking isn't really the problem. Every time
he wakes up he is in the same place, doing the same thing - he has his
pajamas around his ankles and his dick in a jar of peanuts.
The psychiatrist says,
"I think I know what your problem is. You're fuckin' nuts."

Confucius say woman who spend much time on bedspring, may get offspring.

Elton John and George Michael were standing on Circular Quay looking out
over the harbour.
George pointed to a ferry and asked,
"Elton, what's that?"
"That's a ferry-boat, George my love," answered Elton.
"Oooh!" Squealed George, "I knew there was a lot of us, but I didn't know we
had our own navy!"

Gesundheit:
What the guy said about how he fit into the virgin.