X- ADULT PUNS.

My doctor put me on a new diet.
Viagra and prune juice.
Now I don't know if I'm coming or going.
(Rodney Dangerfield)

Willie comes home from work, as he walks in the door Ethel grabs him and says,
"Come on, Willie, we're going upstairs!"
Willie replies,
"OK. That's one of my favourite things!"
As soon as they get upstairs, Ethel grabs Willie, throws him down on
the bed and jumps aboard.
Willie protests,
"Stop, Stop, We can't do it that way anymore!"
Ethel asks,
"What do you mean Willie, I like it that way, and so do you."
Willie replies,
"You're sure right on that, in fact that is one of my favourite
things. But, if we do it that way any more I'll lose my job."
Ethel asks,
"What do you mean Willie? That doesn't make any sense!"
Willie explains,
"The boss called me in the office today and told me, 'Willie, you
screw up one more time, and you're fired!'"

What do you call a blonde with ESP and PMS?
A know-it-all bitch.

A cowboy and his wife had just been married and went to a hotel for
their honeymoon.
The man went to the front desk and asked for a room.
He said,
"This here is a very special 'casino -- our weddin' night and we need
a very special room with a strong bed."
The clerk winked and asked,
"Do you want the Bridal?"
The cowboy thought about it a while and then replied,
"No, I guess not. I'll just hold onto her ears until she gets used to it."

When I consider how sweaters tend to make me sweat, I'm a lot less
Inclined to wear my windbreaker.

Matters had progressed to the point where the freshman and his date
were naked in the motel bed when the girl had a change of heart.
"I suppose you're going to tell me now that you're waiting for 'Mr.
Right'," he said dejectedly.
"That's a silly old romantic notion," laughed the coed. "I'm just
waiting for Mr. Big."

A young boy asked his mother,
"Ma, is it true that people can be taken apart like machines?"
"Of course not, where did you hear such nonsense?" replied his mother.
The young boy answered,
"The other day, daddy was talking to someone on the phone, and he said
that he screwed the ass off his secretary."

A beautiful blonde goes into a bar and sits down next to a guy that's
so homely looking, he hasn't had a date in over a year, also, he's
sooooo dumb that one night he slept with a ruler next to his head to
see how long he slept.
So, he figures that he has absolutely no chance in the world to score
a date with this ravishing buxom blonde.
Then suddenly, she strikes up a conversation with him and soon they
become rather chummy.
It starts to get late and the bartender calls out last drink for alcohol.
The blonde leans over to the guy and says,
"Let's have this last drink at my apartment."
Taken back by her request, and trembling, the guy finally utters the word,
"OK."
They get up from the bar stool arm and arm headed for the door, when
the blonde stops him and says,
"Before we go back to my apartment there's one thing I have to tell
you, I'm on my menstrual cycle."
He says, ...
" That's ok, I'll follow you in my Honda."

Little Johnny's 2nd-grade teacher was quizzing them on the alphabet.
"Johnny," she says, "what comes after 'O'?"
Johnny says,
"God, I'm Coming!!"

Bill's friend Harry walks into a clinic to have his blood taken to
test his cholesterol.
The buxom nurse went about taking the blood sample from his finger.
After finishing she looked around for a piece of cotton to wipe away
the excess blood.
She couldn't find one so she looked innocently at the guy, took his
finger and sucked it.
Harry was pleased and asked,
"Do you think I could have a urine test done?"

Men are like..... Laxatives.
They irritate the shit out of you.

At work, our manager was trying to demonstrate a project on his
computer to four women in our provider relations department.
He was having problems with the computer.
So, the ladies went back to their office until he could get the
program pulled up.
I was not aware of any of this, so I was a little shocked when I
walked in the office
door, and heard one of the ladies shouting down the hallway,
"Hurry up girls and get in here, Al finally got it up!"

Chess Players check their mates

Not sure it's still a tradition, but years ago when a college lad was
serious about a girl, he would give her his fraternity pin to wear.
Susan came back to the dorm and told her roomie,
"Well, it finally happened. Frank pinned me."
Her roomie turned on the lights and said,
"Congratulations! Oh, let me see it."
Confused, Susan replied,
"Let you see what?"

Impotence:
Nature's way of saying,
"No Hard Feelings."