TOP QUOTES OF THE WEEK.

So, the Bush years are coming to a close.
It's the end of an error.
(Jerry Smith)

Congress has given itself a $4700 a year pay raise.
They want to make sure that they make enough money so that if a
lobbyist wants to bribe them, it will have to be really worth it.
(Jim Barach)

When did Mark Tiexeria become Willie Mays, Ted Williams and Mickey
Mantle rolled up in one.
Oh, I remember now. Right after CC Sabathia became Sandy Koufax.
(Mitch Hammons)

In other news, the Yankees signed Prince and the Mormon Tabernacle
Choir to provide live pre-game music in the clubhouse.
(Scott Ostler)

Last night's studio audience was terrible.
I call them the Federal Reserve audience — their interest rate was zero.
(David Letterman)

Barack Obama says he's going to get to the inauguration by train.
This comes as a surprise to a lot of people who thought that Obama was
going to get to the inauguration by walking on water.
(Craig Ferguson)

Apparently there are problems with the cell phone connections from
Hawaii to Washington, D.C.
President-elect Obama has called several times to President Bush
recently asking the first thing he should do upon taking office.
And all he hears is Bush saying, "Pardon me?"
(Janice Hough)

President-elect Barack Obama and his family are in Hawaii this week.
To which President Bush said, "You know, I prefer spending my
Christmases right here in the United States."
(Jay Leno)

Gov. Blagojevich came out and said he hasn't done anything wrong, and
he isn't guilty of anything.
So, that's the second big snow job Chicago got over the weekend.
(Jay Leno)

Up in Chappaqua, Bill and Hillary accidentally got into the same bed.
It's that cold.
(David Letterman)

I was disappointed in some last-minute Christmas shopping.
I went to Victoria's Secret when they promised bras half off!
(Steve Denny)

Another Christmas has come and gone.
This time of year means exchanging gifts.
Thursday you exchange them with relatives.
Friday you exchange them with Macy's.
(Alan Ray)

President Bush has approved a $17.4 billion loan for Detroit.
True to form, each of the Big 3 auto-makers immediately invested that
money with Bernie Madoff.
(Jake Novak)

Mark Felt, identified as "Deep Throat" of Watergate fame has died at age 95.
When Bill Clinton heard that "Deep Throat" had passed away, he said he
didn't even know Monica Lewinsky was sick.
(Jim Barach)