Jokes on a Saturday.

1.
One of the side effects of Viagra is a headache.
Every time I take a pill, my wife gets a headache

2.
One day of coal 364 days of fun.......
The choice is obvious.

3.
A Jewish lady named Mrs. Rosenberg who many years ago was stranded
late one night at a fashionable resort - one that did not admit Jews.
The desk clerk looked down at his book and said,
"Sorry, No room. The hotel is full."
The Jewish lady said,
"But, your sign says that you have vacancies."
The desk clerk stammered and then said curtly,
"You know that we do not admit Jews. Now, if you will try the other
side of town..."
Mrs. Rosenberg stiffened noticeable and said,
"I'll have you know I converted to your religion."
The desk clerk said,
"Oh, yeah, let me give you a little test. How was Jesus born?"
Mrs. Rosenberg replied,
"He was born to a virgin named Mary in a little town called Bethlehem."
"Very good," replied the hotel clerk. "Tell me more."
Mrs. Rosenberg replied,
"He was born in a manger."
"That's right," said the hotel clerk. "And, why was he born In a manger?"
Mrs. Rosenberg said loudly,
"Because, a jerk like you in the hotel wouldn't give a Jewish lady a
room for the night!"

4.
A guy says to his doctor,
"I can't sleep, but I can't take pills, either."
The doctor says,
"No problem. Here's a suppository with a sleeping pill in it."
The next day the doctor calls Bob and asks,
"Did it work?"
The guy says,
"It worked too well. I woke up with my finger still in my asshole."

5.
"I've got this thing for tall, lean men," said the new coder at the
software company. "That Mike in sales is certainly a long tall drink
of water."
"I hate to bust your bubble honey," replied the office veteran, "but,
for a long tall drink of water, he's got an awful short straw.

6.
Moses and his flock arrive at the sea, with the Egyptians in hot pursuit.
Moses calls a staff meeting.
Moses: Well, how are we going to get across the sea? We need a fast
solution. The Egyptians are close behind us.
The General of the Armies: Normally, I'd recommend that we build a
pontoon bridge to carry us across. But, there's not enough time - the
Egyptians are too close.
The Admiral of the Navy: Normally, I'd recommend that we build barges
to carry us across. But, time is too short.
Moses: Does anyone have a solution?
Just then, his Public Relations man raises his hand.
Moses: You! You have a solution?
The PR Man: No, but I can promise you this: If you can find a way out
of this one, I can get you two or three pages in the Old Testament!

7.
Why is sex is like software?
For every one who pays for it, there are hundreds getting it free.