Laughter on a Sunday.
Sitting by the window of her convent, Sister Barbara opened a letter
from home one evening.
Inside the letter was a $100 bill her parents had sent.
Sister Barbara smiled at the gesture.
As she read the letter by the window, she noticed a shabbily dressed
stranger leaning against the lamp post below.
Quickly, she wrote,
"Don't despair. Sister Barbara," on a piece of paper, wrapped the $100
bill in it, got the man's attention and tossed it out the window to
him.
The stranger picked it up, and with a puzzled expression and a tip of
his hat, went off down the street.
The next day, Sister Barbara was told that a man was at her
door,insisting on seeing her.
She went down, and found the stranger waiting.
Without a word, he handed her a huge wad of $100 bills.
"What's this?" she asked.
"That's the $8,000 you have coming sister," he replied."Don't Despair
paid 80-to-1."
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There was a job opening in the country's most prestigious law firm and
it finally comes down to Robert and Paul. Both graduated magna cum
laude from law school.
Both came from good families.
Both are equally attractive and well spoken.
It's up to the senior partner to choose one.
So, he takes each aside and asks,
"Why did you become a lawyer?"
In seconds, he chooses Paul.
Baffled, Robert takes Paul aside.
"I don't understand why I was rejected. When Mr. Armstrong asked me
why I became a lawyer, I said that I had the
Greatest respect for the law, that I'd lay down my life for the
Constitution and that all I wanted was to do right by my clients. What
in the world did you tell him?"
"I said I became a lawyer because of my hands," Robert replies.
"Your hands? What do you mean?"
"Well, I took a look one day and there wasn't any money in either of them!"
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Three mothers were sitting around comparing notes on their exemplary offspring.
"There never was a daughter more devoted than my Alice," said Mrs.
Davis with a sniff. "Every summer she takes me to the Catskills for a
week, and every winter we spend a week at Delray Beach."
"That's nothing compared to what my Anna does for me," declared
Mrs.Jones proudly. "Every winter she treats me to two weeks in
Miami,and in the summer two weeks in the Hamptons, in my own private
guest house."
Mrs. Smith sat back with a proud smile.
"Nobody loves her mother like my Jackie does. Nobody."
"So, what does she do?" asked the two women, turning to her.
"Three times a week she gets into a cab, goes to the best psychiatrist
in the city, and pays him a hundred and fifty dollars an hour - just
to talk about me!"
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A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his
wife to drive his prize possession even to
the grocery store, which was a few blocks from the house.
After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she
departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print
your age."
The boss was very exasperated with his new secretary.
She ignored the telephone when it rang.
"You must answer the telephone," he told her irritably.
"All right," she replied, "but it seems so silly. Nine times out of
ten, it's for you!"
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Cheating the System.
Recently launched into the "real world" and shocked by the expenses
that came with it, my brother was complaining about the high cost of
auto insurance.
"If you got married," teased my dad, "the premium would be much lower."
My brother smiled and said,
"Dad, that would be like buying an airline just to get free peanuts."
