Groaners on Saturday.

1.
"If aliens are smart enough to travel through space, why do they keep
abducting the dumbest people on earth?

2.
An American tourist was visiting in the Netherlands.
During his stay in Amsterdam his watch stopped running.
He asked one of the locals where he could get his watch fixed.
The tourist was guided to the Jewish section of town.
He was then directed toward a shop that had clocks displayed in the window.
The American tourist entered the shop. Inside, behind a desk, sat an
elderly Jewish man with a full beard.
TOURIST: Hello.
JEWISH MAN: Hello.
TOURIST: I came here to have my watch fixed.
JEWISH MAN: Sorry, I don't fix watches. I am a Mohel.
TOURIST: What's a Mohel?
JEWISH MAN: A Mohel is a Jewish Man who performs ritual circumcisions.
TOURIST: Ritual circumcisions! But ,why do you have all those clocks
in the window?!
JEWISH MAN: What would you want me to have in my window?

3.
A couple is throwing a dinner party, and the husband who is very thin
and bony is walking around the house wearing only his boxers.
His wife comes out of the kitchen and says,
"Hey, the guests are gonna be here any minute. Go and put something on."
"Oh no, I won't," he says. "I want everybody to see how you feed your
husband..."
"Really? Then take your boxers off, too, and show everyone that
there's nothing that I should feed you for."

4.
Matt went into Doc Steven's office for his annual checkup, and the Doc
asked if there was anything unusual he should know about.
That left it pretty wide open, so he told the Doc that he found it
real strange how his suit must have shrunk just sitting in his closet,
because it didn't fit when he went to get ready for a wedding
recently.
The Doc said,
"Suits don't shrink just sittin' there. You probably just put on a few
pounds, Matt."
That's just it, Doc, I know I haven't gained a single pound since the
last time I wore it."
"Well, then," said Doc, "You must have a case of Furniture Disease."
"What in the world is Furniture Disease?"
"Furniture Disease is when you reach that stage in life when your
chest starts sliding down into your drawers

5.
My wife came home from the doctor's the other day and said that he
told her she couldn't make love.
I've known this for years I want to know how he found out!

6.
A cannibal was walking through the jungle and came upon a restaurant
operated by a fellow cannibal.
Feeling somewhat hungry, he sat down and looked over the menu...
+ Tourist: $5
+ Broiled Missionary: $10.00
+ Fried Explorer: $15.00
+ Baked Democrat or Grilled Republican: $100.00
The cannibal called the waiter over and asked,
'Why such a price difference for the Politician?'
The cook replied,
"Have you ever tried to clean one? They're so full of shit, it takes
all morning!"