A Mom's letter to Santa.

Dear Santa,

I've been a good mom all year.

I've fed, cleaned and cuddled my children on demand, visited the
doctor's office more than my doctor, sold sixty-two cases of candy
bars to raise money to plant a shade tree on the school playground.

I was hoping you could spread my list out over several Christmases,
since I had to write this letter with my son's blue crayon, on the
back of a receipt in the laundry room between cycles, and who knows
when I'll find anymore free time in the next 18 years.

Here are my Christmas wishes:

1. I'd like a pair of legs that don't ache (in any colour, except
purple, which I already have) and arms that don't hurt or flap in the
breeze; but, are strong enough to pull my screaming child out of the
candy aisle in the grocery store.

2. I'd also like a waist, since I lost mine somewhere in the seventh
month of my last pregnancy. If you're hauling big ticket items this
year

3. I'd like fingerprint resistant windows and a radio that only plays
adult music; a television that doesn't broadcast any programs
containing talking animals; and a refrigerator with a secret
compartment behind the crisper where I can hide to talk on the phone.

4. On the practical side, I could use a talking doll that says, "Yes,
Mommy" to boost my parental confidence, along with two kids who don't
fight and three pairs of jeans that will zip all the way up without
the use of power tools.

5. I could also use a recording of Tibetan monks chanting "Don't eat
in the living room" and "Take your hands off your brother," because my
voice seems to be just out of my children's hearing range and can only
be heard by the dog.

6. If it's too late to find any of these products, I'd settle for
enough time to brush my teeth and comb my hair in the same morning, or
the luxury of eating food warmer than room temperature without it
being served in a Styrofoam container.

7. If you don't mind, I could also use a few Christmas miracles to
brighten the holiday season. Would it be too much trouble to declare
ketchup a vegetable? It will clear my conscience immensely.

8. It would be helpful if you could coerce my children to help around
the house without demanding payment as if they were the bosses of an
organized crime family.

Well, Santa, the buzzer on the dryer is ringing and my son saw my feet
under the laundry room door. I think he wants his crayon back.

Have a safe trip and remember to leave your wet boots by the door and
come in and dry off so you don't catch cold.

Help yourself to cookies on the table but, please don't eat too many
or leave crumbs on the carpet.

Yours Always,

MOM.

P.S. One more thing...you can cancel all my requests if you can keep
my children young enough to believe in Santa for many years to come.