Quotes from the late shows.

Poor Ryan sea crest -
They're saying he's going to have to get his tips
Frosted at Super Cuts now.
~Jimmy Kimmel

I like the bad singers better than the good ones.
Especially the crazy ones.
I was thinking I would like to see a whole show with nothing
But
Crazy people being insulted by judges.
And
Then I remembered that's already a show,
Called "Judge Judy."
~Jimmy Kimmel

We had 80 mph winds today!
Coming in this morning,
I saw a Mini Cooper circling the airport.
~Jay Leno

Eddie Murphy 's marriage is over.
It lasted only two weeks.
Two weeks!
Here's what I heard:
They started to drift apart during the ceremony.
~David Letterman

The legal question now is,
Who gets custody of the cake?
~David Letterman

Not such a great day for O.J. Simpson.
A judge told him,
"You must arrogant, ignorant, or both."
O.J. said,
"I am none of these things.
I am just a murderer."
~Craig Ferguson

It's a great day for the president's daughter,
Jenna Bush.
She set a date for her wedding.
She's excited about her marriage,
Especially about the part where
She gets to change her name.
~Craig Ferguson

Osama bin Laden's son announced today
That he wants to be a peace activist.
Talk about rebelling against your parents!
~Craig Ferguson

That's like Tom Cruise's kid
Announcing she's going to be human.
~Craig Ferguson

There's still no front-runner for the Republicans.
Republicans are starting to look like
Britney Spears getting out of the limo:
Wide open.
~Jay Leno