Jest a Minute!

Old Harold.
I was having trouble with my computer.
So, I called Harold the computer guy, to come over.
Harold clicked a couple of buttons and solved the problem.
He gave me a bill for a minimum service call.
As he was walking away, I called after him,
"So, what was wrong?"
He replied,
"It was an ID ten T error."

I didn't want to appear stupid, but nonetheless inquired,
"An, ID ten T error? What's that ... In case I need to fix it again?"
Harold grinned....
"Haven't you ever heard of an ID ten T error before?"
"No," I replied.
"Write it down," he said, "and I think you'll figure it out."
So I wrote down:
I D 1 0 T
I used to like Harold.............

Kangaroo Play.

Two kangaroos were talking to each other, and one said, "Gee, I hope
it doesn't rain today, I hate it when the children play inside."
How to Be Annoying.

* Adjust the tint on your TV so that all the people are green, and
insist to others that you "like it that way."

* Drum on every available surface.

* Sing the Batman theme constantly.

* Staple papers in the middle of the page.

* Ask 1-800 operators for their home phone number. If they don't give
it to you ask why they are calling YOU at home.

* Sew department store anti-theft detector strips into people's backpacks.

* Write the surprise ending to a novel on its first page.

* Set alarms for random times.

* Honk and wave to strangers.

* Dress only in clothes coloured Hunter's Orange.

* Change channels five minutes before the end of every show.

* Tape pieces of "Sweating to the Oldies" over climactic parts of
rental movies.

Political Joke

Chelsea Clinton daughter of ex-president Bill Clinton asked her father
the following question.
"Dad, which three people are the greatest threats to the United States?"
Bill Clinton Scratches his head and says
"There's Osama......Obama......and yo' mama."
A 21st Century Marriage

I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife.
As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young
man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses.

"I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch."
The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have
those roses?"

"What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?"

"It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"
America's Unique.

- Only in America... Do we leave cars worth thousands of dollars in
the driveway and put our useless junk in the garage.

- Only in America... Do we use answering machines to screen calls and
then have call waiting so we won't miss a call from someone we didn't
want to talk to in the first place.

- Only in America... Do we buy hot dogs in packages of ten and buns in
packages of eight.

- Only in America... Do we use the word 'politics' to describe the
process so well: 'Poli' in Latin meaning 'many' and 'tics' meaning
'blood-sucking creatures'.

- Only in America... Do they have drive-up ATM machines with Braille lettering.

Stung by a bee.

A man comes running to the doctor shouting and screaming in pain,
"Please doctor you've got to help me. I've been stung by a bee."
DOCTOR: "Don't worry; I'll put some cream on it."
MAN: "You can never find that bee to put your cream on it. It must be
miles away by now."
DOCTOR: "No you don't understand! I'll put some cream on the place you
were stung."
MAN: "Oh! It happened in the garden where I was sitting under a tree.
You will need gallons of cream to put on to that place. Just some of
your cream won't do"
DOCTOR (in anger): "No, no you IDIOT! I mean on which part of your
body did that bee sting."
MAN (still screaming I n pain): "On my finger! The bee stung me on my
finger and it really hurts"
DOCTOR (banging his fist, abusing and shouting): "Which one?"
MAN (innocently): "How am I to know? All bees look the same to me. I
cannot identify the culprit"