The Librarian

"Do you have any books on how to get organized?"
"Probably, but I have no idea where they are."

"Do you have any books on deafness?"
"What?"

"Do you have any books on nepotism?"
"Ask my husband; he's the head librarian."

"Do you have any books on apathy?"
"I don't know and I don't care."

"Do you have any books on De Sade?"
"Beats me."

"Do you have any books on goat breeding?"
"Are you kidding?"

"Do you have any books on building self-esteem?"
"Not for stupid, ugly people like you!"

"Do you have any books on phobias?"
"I'm afraid not."

"Do you have any books on psychiatry?"
"What do you think?"

"Yes, they're on the shelf over there."
"Do you have any books on ESP?"

"Do you have any books on Chinese shipping?"
"Oh, no; we don't handle that junk."

"Do you have any books on procrastination?"
"No, we haven't gotten around to ordering them yet."

"Do you have any books on the Navy?"
"Yes, 'Over There,' with the the blue jackets,"

"Do you have any books on orgasms?"
"Yes, come with me."

"Do you have any books on electricity?"
"Watt we have is not current, but might shed some light on the
subject. Wire you asking?"