Sheep talk

An English ventriloquist, visiting the highlands, walks into a wee
village and sees
a local crofter sitting on a wall, patting his dog.

He figures he'll have a little fun, so he says to the jock 'Good
morning, do you mind if I talk to your dog?'

Highlander: 'The dug canna talk, yer daft sassenach!'

Ventriloquist: 'Hello dog, hows it going?'

Dog: 'Aye, fine, doin' all right.'

Highlander: (look of extreme shock)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?' (pointing at the Highlander)

Dog: 'Aye'

Ventriloquist: 'How does he treat you?'

Dog: 'Great ! He walks me twice a day, feeds me regular and
takes me to the loch every week to play!'
Highlander: (look of utter disbelief)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your horse?'

Highlander: 'Uh, the horse doesnae talk either...Ah think.'

Ventriloquist: 'Hey horse, how's it going?'

Horse 'Aye, great!'

Highlander: (absolutely dumbfounded)

Ventriloquist: 'Is this your owner?'

Horse 'Aye, so he is!'

Ventriloquist: How does he treat you?

Horse 'Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me
regularly, brushes me down
well and keeps me in the stable to protect
me from the weather'

Highlander: (total look of amazement)

Ventriloquist: 'Mind if I talk to your sheep?'

Highlander: (in a panic) 'The sheep's a f***** liar !'