Burghers demand Lansi Ealam

'We write on behalf of the Lanseelam Association of Australia Inc., a body which was recently formed for the purpose of defending the rights of Burghers in Sri Lanka. For long, we Burghers have suffered in silence and watched with rising indignation the gradual erosion of our rights and privileges in the land of our birth. From the position of total supremacy which our forefathers formerly enjoyed, we are now being reduced to voices crying in the wilderness. Not only have we been stripped of our high social position, but even economically and politically, we have degenerated into an oppressed and downtrodden community. We therefore feel justified in staking our own claim to a section of Sri Lanka stretching from Galle Face Green to the Bambalapitiya Flats. This territory will be designated Lansi Eelam and will comprise a safe haven for those of us whose culture has been threatened with extinction.

 

The message that spells out what this is all about:

 

 - English will be the state language and medium of education in Lansi Eelam.

 - A certain measure of social intercourse with the natives will naturally be permitted but legislation will be introduced to prevent over-familiarity.

 - Severe penalties will apply for especially serious offences such as the contamination of old Dutch Burgher recipes. Such penalties will include that dreaded torment: deprivation of liberty and lamprais for 20 years.

 - Dutch will be our second language and will constitute the lingua franca of the new Parliament shortly to be set up within the hallowed precincts of a new Burgher Recreation Club [BRC] headquartered at Wolfendaal.

 

 Proposed actions:

 

We have sent urgent communiquès to our fellow Burghers scattered throughout the world informing them of this venture and soliciting their support. On the 400th anniversary of the arrival of the Dutch in Ceylon [2002] we estimate that 50,000 Burgher loyalists here in after to be known as the Wolves of Wolfendaal, will land in Sri Lanka at Bentot and Hambantot and march in a glorious struggle for freedom and Lansi Eelam.

 Those who have eked out a miserable existence in lands where breudhers never rose and love cakes never set, where hearts ached for the smell of Kehel Kola to wrap their lamprais, and the powerful aroma of Poffertjis at the tiffin table - all these will now come into their own again.

 The Burghers will return en masse to claim the Lansi heritage of yore, ready to die in the attempt. Summoning up their ancient Dutch courage, they will march forward relentlessly - Lansi kakula, nikan kakula, Lansi kakula, nikan kakula - from Galle to Kernigalle, from Cockeye-Kade palliya to Newreliya, gathering the support of their long-suffering kinsmen en route.

 We therefore give you prior notice of our intentions and, in addition, request you to solicit the support of the local Burgher community in this most worthy cause. As you are aware we always prefer to utilise peaceful democratic methods in the pursuit of our legitimate aspirations. If these fail, however, we will be compelled to cannonade Colombo with stale breudhers, an offensive that will spread panic. This offensive will be followed by Dhadiya Daapu Bunnis to ensure certain victory. The Liberation Wolves of Wolvendaal will march under the Sapaththu Kodiya..

 

 Long Live Lansi Eelam !

 

 Yours sincerely

 Suzie Cockroach

 General Secretary

 Lansi Eelam Association of

 Australia, Inc.