Insults

There was a time when words were used beautifully. These glorious
insults are from an era when cleverness with words was still valued,
before a great portion of the English language was boiled down to
four-letter words!

The exchange between Churchill and Lady Astor: She said, "If you were
my husband, I'd give you poison," and he said, "If you were my wife,
I'd take it."

Gladstone, a member of Parliament, to Benjamin Disraeli: "Sir, you
will either die on the gallows or of some unspeakable disease."
"That depends, sir," said Disraeli, "On whether I embrace your
policies or your mistress."

"He had delusions of adequacy." - Walter Kerr

"He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire." -
Winston Churchill

"A modest little person, with much to be modest about." - Winston Churchill

"I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great
pleasure." -Clarence Darrow

"He has never been known to use a word that might send a reader to the
dictionary." - William Faulkner (about Ernest Hemingway).

"Poor Faulkner. Does he really think big emotions come from big
words?" - Ernest Hemingway (about William Faulkner)

"Thank you for sending me a copy of your book; I'll waste no time
reading it." - Moses Hadas

"He can compress the most words into the smallest idea of any man I
know." - Abraham Lincoln

"I didn't attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I
approved of it." - Mark Twain

"He has no enemies, but is intensely disliked by his friends." - Oscar Wilde

"I am enclosing two tickets to the first night of my new play; bring a
friend.... if you have one." - George Bernard Shaw to Winston
Churchill.
"Cannot possibly attend first night, will attend second... if there is
one!" - Winston Churchill, in response.

"I feel so miserable without you; it's almost like having you here." -
Stephen Bishop

He is a self-made man and worships his creator." - John Bright

"I've just learned about his illness. Let's hope it's nothing
trivial." - Irvin S. Cobb

"He is not only dull himself, he is the cause of dullness in others."
- Samuel Johnson

"There's nothing wrong with you that reincarnation won't cure." -Jack E. Leonard

"He has the attention span of a lightning bolt." - Robert Redford

"They never open their mouths without subtracting from the sum of
human knowledge." - Thomas Brackett Reed

"In order to avoid being called a flirt, she always yielded easily." -
Charles, Count Talleyrand

"He loves nature in spite of what it did to him." - Forrest Tucker

"Why do you sit there looking like an envelope without any address on
it?" - Mark Twain

"His mother should have thrown him away and kept the stork." - Mae West

"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others, whenever they go."- Oscar Wilde

"He uses statistics as a drunken man uses lamp-posts... for support,
rather than illumination." - Andrew Lang (1844-1912)

"He has Van Gogh's ear for music." - Billy Wilder

"I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it." - Groucho Marx