Fwd: Ramblings of Retired Mind

I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones
that everyone has clipped onto their belt or purse. I can't afford
one. So I'm wearing my garage door opener.


I also made a cover for my hearing aid and now I have what they call
blue teeth, I think.


You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people
didn't like me anyway.


I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!


I've gotten that dreaded furniture disease.
That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!


When people see a cat's litter box they always say, 'Oh, have you got
a cat?' Just once I want to say, 'No, it's for company!'


Intake applications at a doctor's office always ask who is to be
called in case of an emergency.
I always write, 'An ambulance.'


I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot
more as they get older. Then it dawned on me. They were cramming
for their finals.




Birds of a feather flock together . . . .and then crap on your car.


A penny saved is a government oversight.


The older you get the tougher it is to lose weight because by then
your body and your fat have gotten to be really good friends.


The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement.


He who hesitates. .. is probably right.


Did you ever notice: The Roman Numerals for forty (40) are XL.


If you can smile when things go wrong you have someone in mind to blame.


The sole purpose of a child's middle name is so he can tell when he's
really in trouble..




Aging: Eventually you will reach a point when you stop lying about
your age and start bragging about it.


Some people try to turn back their "odometers." Not me. I want people
to know 'why' I look this way. I've traveled a long way and some of
the roads weren't paved.


When you are dissatisfied and would like to go back to your youth
think of Algebra.


You know you are getting old when everything either dries up or leaks.


One of the many things no one tells you about aging is that it is such
a nice change from being young.


Ah! Being young is beautiful but being old is comfortable.


Lord, Keep your arm around my shoulder and your hand over my mouth.