Fwd: ADULT PUNS

XXXX ADULT PUNS


The Question:
What are you putting in my mouth, Batman?
The Answer:
A Cock Robin.

A chicken and an egg are lying in bed.
The chicken is leaning against the headboard smoking a cigarette with
a satisfied smile on its face.
The egg, looking a bit pissed off, grabs the sheet and rolls over and says:
"Well, I guess we finally answered THAT question."

Vibrators are better than men.
A couple batteries and you don't have to put up with the shit.

A guy is at a bar sipping his drink when he spots a gorgeous blonde
sitting at one of the tables with her friends.
She catches him staring at her and they eye each other for a while.
Then he decides to go for it and motions to her with his finger (you
know, that "come here" motion made by the index finger).
So, she walks over to where he's standing.
He leans over and in a low voice whispers in her ear,
"If I could make you 'come' with one finger, imagine what I could do
with a whole hand."

Homosexual:
One who only has sex in his own residence

Good girls think they're not fully dressed without a strand of pearls
Bad girls think they're fully dressed with just a strand of pearls
Naughty girls want a " pearl necklace "

Yesterday, Mrs. MM had her Church ladies friends over for tea and I
made my usual socially polite appearance -- and this time I was
wearing pants.
To include me in the conversation one of the ladies said,
"Did you know that Father Thomas applied for a missionary position,
but was turned down?"
With hindsight, perhaps I should not have commented,
"Go figure. I thought that priests were supposed to be celibate."
Cops do it with cuffs.

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman,
"Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says,
"Wow! You must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks.
When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back,
"I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six
double vodkas.
The bartender said,
"Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head,
"Yeah, my wife!"

A guy accidentally fed Viagra to his pet snake and now it's a cane.

A guy walked into the doctor's office for an appointment.
"Would you like to tell me your problem?" the pretty receptionist
asked. "I'll need the information for the doctor."
"It's rather embarrassing," the guy stammered. "You see, I have a very
large and almost constant erection."
"Well, the doctor is very busy today," the receptionist cooed, "but
maybe I can squeeze you in."

In relations with men, women know what they are doing.
Why else would they take it all lying down?