Fwd: ADULT PUNS

XXXX ADULT PUNS

REASONS WHY WOMEN LIKE CUCUMBERS
Cucumbers will not tell you size doesn't count.
Cucumbers do not get too excited.
Cucumbers don't have sex hang-ups.
Cucumbers will always respect you in the morning.
Cucumbers can handle rejection.

"Did you hear about the giant with diarrhoea?"
"Yes, it's all over town."

A female teacher with a great figure was starting her junior high
class on a unit on astronomy.
She asked the class which part of the Universe interested them most.
A boy in the front row immediately replied,
"The Asteroids around Uranus!"

It's not polite to talk with your mouth full.
It's not polite to talk on the phone while taking a dump.
That pretty much sums up food etiquette from beginning to end.

Paula and Steve got married.
They went to a Hotel for the wedding night.
The following morning, Paula's closest friend came over and asked her
how their wedding night went.
Paula told her,
"I'm just awfully tired, dead tired. All nightlong it was up and down,
in and out, up and down, in and out."
Her friend, misunderstanding her, was a bit shocked, that she spoke so crassly.
She clarified by adding,
"Don't ever get a room next to an elevator!"

People used to see me driving a large car and they would say,
"You're compensating for your tiny penis."
And now I drive with clothes on.

Two signs found on top of one another near the entrance of a local restaurant:
RESTROOMS TO THE LEFT
PLEASE WAIT FOR THE HOSTESS TO SEAT YOU!

Do you suppose the inventor of the vibrator heard a voice that said,
"If you build it, they will come?"

A man is very ashamed of his pecker because of the size.
He has an extremely small pecker and doesn't want his girlfriend to
dump him when she sees the size.
One nigh,t when he and his girlfriend are making out in a dark corner
he decides he will show her.
The man unzips his pants, whips out his small pecker, and shoves it
into her hand.
He sits there impatiently waiting to see her reaction.
His girlfriend says,
"Thanks, but I don't smoke."

When two lesbians have sex,
It don't mean dick!

Had I come up with a slightly different concept, I could have made a
fortune on the Internet!
Too bad I took the wrong road and decided to market penis reduction products.

Truckers do it in the road.

There was a Nabob of Madras
Whose balls were constructed of brass.
When jostled together
They played Stormy Weather
And lightning shot out of his arse.