Fwd: Adult Puns

XXX ADULT PUNS

A swimmer whose clothing got strewed,
By the breezes that left her quite nude,
Saw a man come along,
And unless I am wrong,
You're expecting this line to be lewd.

Every Amish woman's private fantasy is,
Two Mennonite!

The similarity between a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken is
By the time you've finished with the breast and thighs,
All you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.

Confucius say,
"Woman who pounces on dead rooster go down on limp cock ."

A young couple were in a car parked on lovers lane and the young man
turned admiringly to his pretty date and said,
"Wow, you smell good. You wearing perfume or something? "
The girl blushed charmingly and confessed that she was wearing a new
perfume that she'd bought especially with him in mind.
"You smell good, too, " she said. "what do you have on? "
"Well, I have a hard-on, " blurted the young man, "but I didn't know
that you could smell it! "

How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb?
One.
Men will screw anything.

A guy works at a new job on Thursday and Friday.
On Monday he calls in and says, "I can't come in today. I'm sick."
He worked the rest of the week, but the following Monday he calls in and says,
"I can't come in today. I'm sick."
The boss asks the foreman about him, and the foreman says,
"He's great. He does the work of two men. We need him."
So, the boss calls the guy into his office, and says,
"You seem to have a problem getting to work on Mondays. You're a good
worker and I'd hate to fire you. What's the problem? Anything we can
help you with? Drugs? Alcohol?"
The guy says,
"No, I don't drink or do drugs. But my brother-in-law drinks every
weekend, and then beats on my sister. So every Monday morning, I go
over to make sure she's all right. She puts her head on my shoulder
and cries, one thing leads to another, and the next thing you know,
I'm screwing her."
The boss says,
"You screw your sister?"
The guy says,
"Hey, I told you I was sick."

There's no business like show business,
But
There's no job like a blow job.

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer
came to his repeated knocks at the door.
Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote
'revelation 3:20' on the back of it and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that
his card had been returned.
Added to it was this cryptic message,
'genesis 3:10.'
Reaching for his bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales
of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins
'behold, I stand at the door and knock.'
Genesis 3:10 reads,
'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked.'

I always put sun cream on for protection,
It doesn't work that well though.
I've got nine kids.

Nina and Rosey hadn't seen each other for years.
When they finally sat down to lunch, Nina was stunned at how trim and
healthy Rosey looked.
"My God," she said,
"What do you do to stay so fit?"
"Well," answered Rosey, "I've found that nothing keeps me trimmer than
having affairs."
"Really!" exclaimed Nina, looking her friend up and down. "You simply
must tell me who does your catering!"

What do a coffin and a condom have in common?
They're both filled with stiffs,
But
You come in one, and go in the other!