"Night School" in Slave Island

The following narrated long years ago ............................

This was in the 1940s in a so called "Night School" in Slave Island
where impoverished gentlemen working in Colombo taught English after
work in the evenings to earn an extra buck. You have to thus picture a
small dimly lit shed-like building with little or no ventilation and
the students from near-by slum-like houses. Effect is better if you
can read this aloud with a Tamil accent with a 'sh' for 's' and hard
'r'.

Two students, obviously after an argument. approach the teacher as he
walks in to the class
One student: Shir, this Muttu here telling E, G, G is 'heg'. But shir
I tell it ish 'heig'. Shir, I right no?
Teacher: Adey, you are both wrong........... E, G, G is 'yegg'.

Teacher: Klaash - Whot ish an Island?
Klash (sorry Class): - - - (silent....)
Teacher: Adey, an Island ish a piesh of land, entierly shurrounded by waater.

Teacher: Whot ish a lek?
Class: A lek ish a pish of waater, entirely shurrounded by land.

Teacher: Goood, whot ish a peninshula?
Class: - - - (silent.........)
Teacher: Adey, a peninshula is a piece of land, three shides
shurrounded by waater and one shide by land.

Teacher: Now, whot is a beach?
Class: - - - (silent.........)...........then a hand comes up in a back row....
Teacher: Thambi, you tell da klaash, you tell.
-
-
-
-
Thambi: Shir, a Bitch ish a female daag entirely shurrounded by male
daags..........