XX- Adult Puns!

Some of these are REALLY crude.

So if you are a Prude go to the next post..

There was a young man named Ringer,
Who was seducing a beautiful singer.
He said with a grin,
"I've now rammed it in!"
She said, "You mean that isn't your finger?"

Blondes usually turn on the lights after having sex by opening the car door.

This young couple have been trying to have a baby.
After six months they complain to the doctor that they just aren't
having any luck.
"What position are you in when you ejaculate?" the physician asks
Frank, the husband. "What's 'ejaculate'?" asks Frank.
"Well, uh, that's when you climax and semen is emitted," explained the
doctor patiently. The young man looks puzzled for a few moments then
asks,
"Do you mean the gooey white stuff? Well, my little honey says it's
icky. So, I shoot it into the pillow."

"Were your parents upset when you got a divorce?"
"Well, you know how parents are. My mother said, 'So! Is this how it's
going to be? Just one man after another for the rest of your life?'"
"Typical! What did you tell her?"
"I said, 'Gee, I hope so!'"

A sexy lady meet a handsome young man in a pub, after some drinks and
a little tipsy the sexy lady said to the young man,
"My mouth is like a loud speaker, my two breasts are for tuning. Left
one is for tuning the channel AM or FM and my right breast is for
tuning bass and treble depending which mode you want."
The young man was aroused by the young lady expression, and said to the lady,
"I don't believe it."
Young lady said,
"You can try it if you want."
Young man said,
"OK, come to my hotel room and prove it to me."
They agreed and both holding hands and headed for the hotel room.
Upon entering the room the young lady undressed herself and soon the
young man start feeling the left nipple for AM/FM fine tuning.
After a while nothing happen.
He changed to the right nipple and start rubbing with greater pressure.
Again, nothing happened.
The young man soon give up and ask the lady,
"Hello sweetie, after I have tuned your AM/FM and t reble/bass nipples
there are no response."
The sexy lady replied,
"You forgot to plug in your power."

Women are like roads.
Both have manholes.

A fat man was seated on his front steps drinking a can of beer when a
busybody spinster from down the street began to berate him for his
appearance.
"What a disgusting sight," she said. "If that belly was on a woman,
I'd swear she was pregnant."
To which the man smiled and replied,
"Madam, it was and she is."

Become an amateur gynaecologist.
Look up a friend today.

One evening a man was at home watching TV and eating peanuts.
He'd toss them in the air, then catch them in his mouth.
In the middle of catching one, his wife asked a question, and as he
turned to answer her, a peanut fell in his ear.
He tried and tried to dig it out but only succeeded in pushing it in deeper.
He called his wife for assistance, and after hours of trying they
became worried and decided to go to hospital.
As they were ready to go out the door, their daughter came home with her date.
After being informed of the problem, their daughter's date said he
could get the peanut out.
The young man told the father to sit down, then shoved two fingers up
the father's nose and told him to blow hard.
When the father blew, the peanut flew out.
The mother and daughter jumped and yelled for joy.
The young man insisted that it was nothing and the daughter brought
the young man out to the kitchen for something to eat.
Once he was gone the mother turned to the father and said,
"That's so wonderful! Isn't he smart? What do you think he's going to
be when he grows older?"
The father replied,
"From the smell of his fingers, our son in-law!"

Since another church member, Bonnie, had mentioned that she and her
husband were struggling with a big decision on whether they should
become missionaries, my friend offered to include them on the prayer
list.
So at the meeting, my friend announced in front of the whole congregation,
"Let's all pray that Bonnie and Lee can make a decision about the
missionary position."