XX - Adult Puns.
Some are real CRUDE
*One day Jimmy and his dad are out for a walk in the park.
Jimmy sees a dead bird with its legs up in the air and says,
"Daddy why is the birds legs sticking up in the air like that?"
Not knowing how to explain death he says to 4 year old Jimmy,
"Well, that is how we know the bird is ready go to heaven.
God is coming to take the bird away."
Little Jimmy says,
"So, then Mr. Reamer from next door is a hero then!?"
With a peculiar look on his face he asks,
"Mr. Reamer a hero? What do you mean, Jimmy!?"
Jimmy begins to explain,
"Last week when you were at work. I saw mommy and Mr. Reamer in the
bedroom. Mommy was on her back with her feet in the air screaming,
"Oh God, I'm coming, I'm coming,' and Mr. Reamer was laying on top of
her holding her down screaming 'Not Yet, Not Yet!'"
Smart Ass:
Someone who can sit on an ice cream cone and tell you what flavour it is.
Rodeo Sex is mounting your woman from behind, start going nice and
slowly, taking her hair and pulling her head back slightly, whispering
in her ear,
"Your sister was better than you," and then trying to hold on for 08 seconds!
95% of all people have haemorrhoids.
The other 05% are perfect ass holes!
A hillbilly kid goes into a drugstore and asks the druggist for a box
of condoms.
The druggist says,
"How old are you, son?"
The kid replies,
"Eleven."
"I can't sell you any condoms," the druggist says. "You're too young."
The kid says,
"Gimme some rubbers or I'll call a cop."
"All right, cool it," the druggists says to the kid.
"What kind of condoms do you want?"
The kid tells him,
"Gimme the French ticklers."
The druggist says,
"Listen, kid. Do you know what one of those things will do to a woman?"
"No," the kid replies, "but I hear they make a sheep jump pretty high!"
The movie "Constipated " never came out.
"Oh Mom!" sobbed Little Mary, "I'm pregnant!"
"What!? How could you?" screamed the Mother, "and just who is the father?"
The daughter lifted up her tearful face and wailed,
"How should I know? You're the one who would never let me go steady!"
This is the story of Rindercella and her sugly isters.
Rindercella and her sugly isters lived in a marge lansion.
Rindercella worked very hard frubbing sloors, emptying poss pits, and
shivelling shot.
At the end of the day, she was knucking fackered.
The sugly isters were right bugly astards.
One was called Mary Hinge, and the other was called Betty Swallocks;
They were really forrible huckers;
They had fetty sweet and fetty swannies.
The sugly isters had tickets to go to the ball, but the cotton runts
would not let Rindercella go.
Suddenly, there was a bucking fang, and her gairy fodmother appeared.
Her name was Shairy Hithole and she was a light rucking fesbian.
She turned a pumpkin and six mite wice into a hucking cuge farriage
with six dandy ronkeys who had buge hollocks and dig bicks.
The gairy fodmother told Rindercella to be back by dimnlight
otherwise, there would be a cucking falamity.
At the ball, Rindercella was dancing with the prandsome hince when
suddenly the cloc k struck twelve.
"Mist all chucking frighty!!!" said Rindercella, and she ran out
tripping barse over ollocks, so dropping her slass glipper.
The very next day the prandsome hince knocked on Rindercella's door
and the sugly isters let him in.
Suddenly, Betty Swallocks lifted her leg and let off a fig Bart.
"Who's fust jarted??" asked the prandsome hince.
"Blame that fugly ucker over there!!" said Mary Hinge.
When the stinking brown cloud had lifted, he tried the slass glipper
on both the sugly isters without success and their feet stucking funk.
Betty Swallocks was ducking fisgusted and gave the prandsome hince a
knack in the kickers.
This was not difficult as he had bucking fuge halls and a hig bard on.
He tried the slass glipper on Rindercella and it fitted pucking ferfectly.
Rindercella and the prandsome hince were married.
The pransome hince lived his life in lucking fuxury, and Rindercella
lived hers with a follen swanny.
Confucius say:
"Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cathouse".
