QUICK JOKES.
First god created earth, then he rested...
Then, he created man, then he rested...
Then, he created women and no one has rested since!
If Congress can pay farmers not to raise crops,
Why can't we pay Congress not to raise taxes?
QUOTE FOR TODAY.
"A government that robs Peter to pay Paul can always depend on the
support of Paul."
George Bernard Shaw.
"A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running."
Groucho Marx.
"A James Cagney love scene is one where he lets the other guy live."
Bob Hope.
"A man paints with his brains and not with his hands."
Michelangelo.
"A picture is a poem without words."
Horace.
"A picture is worth a thousand words."
Napoleon Bonaparte.
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Was driving around and around a parking garage in search of an available space.
Nothing.
Then, I noticed a couple walking ahead of me.
"Going out?" I called to them.
"No," said the man. "Just friends."
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During the eight years he served as Eisenhower's vice President,
Richard Nixon had many reminders of the esteem
Accorded to people in his position.
Once, the Nixons were staying at a hotel in Chicago when a fire alarm
went off in the middle of the night.
Hundreds of guests, including Dick and Pat Nixon, were herded into the lobby.
Once Nixon realized that it was a false alarm, he and his wife headed
for the elevator.
"Just a minute," said the hotel's security chief.
"Everyone stays in the lobby until we get the all clear."
"I'm the vice president," Nixon said.
"Oh," the security chief said. "Sorry. Go right ahead."
Nixon pressed the elevator button, and the security chief had second thoughts.
"Vice president?" he said. "Of what?"
"Of the United States," Nixon answered.
"Get back out here," the security chief said. "I thought you were a
vice president of the hotel."
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Doug went to the eye doctor for an examination because he was having
trouble reading the newspaper.
"Now that you're over 40," the doctor told him,
"you've developed a condition called 'presbyopia,'
In which the lens of your eye can no longer focus as well as it used to."
Seeing his worried look,
The doctor tried to be upbeat.
"Congratulations!" he said. "You're now officially a Presbyope!"
Doug leaned over and asked seriously,
"Does this mean I can no longer be a Southern Baptist?"
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Translated Car Ads.
- Two tone paint work -
Original colour and rust.
- One careful owner -
But, the other nine were clumsy as anything.
- 10,000 trouble-free miles -
Crashed in the last 20 feet.
- Heated rear window -
So you don't get cold hands when push-starting the thing in winter.
- Very clean -
Only washed if and when it rains.
- Lady owner -
The glove box is full of half-used cosmetics.
- Clean interior -
All the rubbish is under the floor mats.
- Immobilizer -
The gear shift comes off in your hand.
- Anti-theft device -
I can let you have a rottener cheap.
- Drives beautifully - ...
In a straight line; the steering is all over the place.
- Low mileage -
The odometer is on its third time around.
- Full service history -
Charlie in the garage round the corner checked it over last week.
- Economical -
Doesn't use much fuel, as it can't go any faster than 30 mph.
