North American Humour.

We yell for the government to balance the budget,
And then take the last dime we have to make the down payment on a car.

We whip the enemy in battle,
And then give them the shirt off our backs.

We yell for speed laws that will stop fast driving,
Then won't buy a car if it can't go over a 100-miles an hour.

Americans get scared to death if we vote a billion dollars for education,
Then are unconcerned when we find out we are spending three billion
dollars a year for cigarettes.

We'll spend half a day looking for vitamin pills to make us live longer,
Then drive ninety miles an hour on slick pavement to make up for lost time.

We tie up our dog
While letting our sixteen-year-old son run wild.

We will work hard on a farm so we can move into town where we can make
more money
So we can move back to the farm.

In the office we talk about baseball, shopping, or fishing;
But when we are out at the game, the mall, or on the lake, we talk
about business.

We are the country that has more food to eat than any other country in the world
And more diets to keep us from eating it.

We run from morning to night trying to keep our earning power up with
our yearning power.

We are supposed to be the most civilized Christian nation on Earth,
But we still can't deliver payrolls without an armoured car.

We have more marriage counselors than any other country in the world
And still have by far the most divorces.

We know the lineup of every baseball team in the American and national Leagues,
But we don't know half the words of the "Star-Spangled Banner."