Blond Jokes
Two Blondes With Hammers...
Carol and Donna, were doing some carpenter work on a Habitat for
Humanity house. Carol, who was nailing down house siding, would reach into
her nail pouch, pull out a nail and either toss it over her shoulder or nail
it in.
Donna, figuring this was worth looking into, asked, 'Why are you
throwing those nails away?'
Carol explained, 'When I pull a nail out of my pouch, about half
of them have the head on the wrong end and I throw them away.'
Donna got completely upset and yelled, 'You moron! Those nails
aren't defective! They're for the other side of the house!'
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A blonde hurried into the emergency room late one night with the
tip of her index finger shot off. 'How did this happen?' the emergency room
doctor asked her.
'Well, I was trying to commit suicide,' the blonde replied.
'What?' sputtered the doctor. 'You tried to commit suicide by
shooting off your finger?'
'No, Silly' the blonde said. 'First I put the gun to my chest,
and then I thought, 'I just paid $6,000.00 for these implants. I'm not
shooting myself in the chest.'
'So then?' asked the doctor.
'Then I put the gun in my mouth, and I thought, 'I just paid
$3,000.00 to get my teeth straightened. I'm not shooting myself in the
mouth.'
'So then?'
'Then I put the gun to my ear, and I thought: 'This is going to
make a loud noise. So I put my finger in my other ear before I pulled the
trigger.
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A blonde was driving home after a game and got caught in a
really bad hailstorm. Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she
took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have
some fun. He told her to go home and blow into the tail pipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and
started blowing into her tailpipe. Nothing happened. So she blew a little
harder, and still nothing happened.
Her blonde roommate saw her and asked, 'What are you doing?'
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her
to blow into the tail pipe in order to get all the d dents to pop out.
The roommate rolled her eyes and said, 'Uh, like hello! You need
to roll up the windows first.'
+++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
A blonde was shopping at Target and came across a shiny silver
thermos. She was quite fascinated by it, so she picked it up and took it to
the clerk to ask what it was..
The clerk said, 'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things
hot, and cold things cold.'
'Wow, said the blonde, 'that's amazing.....I'm going to buy it!'
So she bought the thermos and took it to work the next day.
Her boss saw it on her desk. 'What's that,' he asked?
'Why, that's a thermos..... it keeps hot things hot and cold
things cold,' she replied...
Her boss inquired, 'What do you have in it?'
The blond replied... .... ...'Two popsicles and some coffee.'
++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++++
AND LAST BUT NOT LEAST
A blonde goes into work one morning crying her eyes out. Her
boss asked sympathetically, 'What's the matter?'
The blonde replies, 'Early this morning I got a phone call
saying that my mother had passed away.'
The boss, feeling sorry for her, says, 'Why don't you go home
for the day? Take the day off to relax and rest.'
'Thanks, but I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind off
it and I have the best chance of doing that here.'
The boss agrees and allows the blonde to work as usual. A couple
of hours pass and the boss decides to check on the blonde.. He looks out
from his office and sees the blonde crying hysterically.
'What's so bad now? Are you gonna be okay?' he asks.
'No!' exclaims the blonde. 'I just received a horrible call from
my sister. Her mother died, too!'
