Catholic Code Words

This information is for Catholics only! It must not be divulged to
non-Catholics. The less they know about our rituals and code words,
the better off they are ... or not!

*AMEN: The only part of a prayer that everyone knows.

*BULLETIN: Your receipt for attending Mass.

*CHOIR: A group of people whose singing allows the rest of the Parish
to lip-sync.

*HOLY WATER: A liquid whose chemical formula is H2OLY.

*HYMN: A song of praise usually sung in a key three octaves higher
than that of the congregation's range.

*RECESSIONAL HYMN: The last song at Mass often sung a little more
quietly since most of the people have already left.

*INCENSE: Holy Smoke!

*JESUITS: An order of priests known for their ability to find
colleges with good sports teams.

*JONAH: The original 'Jaws' story.

*JUSTICE: When kids have kids of their own.

*KYRIE ELEISON: The only Greek words that most Catholics can
recognize besides g yros and baklava.

*MAGI: The most famous trio to attend a baby shower.

*MANGER: Where Mary gave birth to Jesus because Joseph wasn't covered
by an HMO. It's the Bible's way of showing us that holiday travel has
always been rough.

*PEW: A medieval torture device still found in Catholic churches.

*PROCESSIONAL: The ceremonial formation at the beginning of Mass
consisting of altar servers, the celebrant, and late parishioners
looking for seats.

*RECESSIONAL: The ceremonial procession at the conclusion of Mass led
by parishioners trying to beat the crowd to the parking lot.

*RELICS: People who have been going to Mass for so long that they
actually know when to sit, kneel, and stand.

*TEN COMMANDMENTS: The most important Top Ten list not given by David
Letterman.

*USHERS: The only people in the parish who don't know the seating
capacity of a pew.