Udurawana again....

Once Udurawana was coming out of Airport. As there was a huge rush the
security guard told him "WAIT PLEASE for which Udurawana replied "82 Kgs"
and moved on...
*************************************************************

Once Udurawana wanted to know the time difference between his native
village and Las Vegas, So he called up the Tourist Board and asked them
"Lamayoo..could you tell me the time difference between here and Las
Begas...".The lady at  the other end replies "One second sir..." and Udurawana
immediately replies "thank  you" and puts the phone down.
*************************************************************

Udurawana's family planning policy.. "EVERY SINHALA BUDDHISTS IN SRI
LANKA SHOULD PRODUCE AT LEAST TWO CHILDREN IN A YEAR"
*************************************************************

At a bar in New York, the man to Udurawana's left tells the bartender,
"JOHNNIE WALKER, SINGLE."And the man's companion says, "JACK DANIELS,
SINGLE." The bartender approaches Udurawana and asks, "AND YOU, SIR?"
Udurawana replies: "UDURAWANA, MARRIED."
*************************************************************

After losing his post as the PM, Udurawana decides to do paddy farming.
Once he was among the herd of buffaloes and while resting his elbows on the

back of the cattle he poses for a photo. Next day the photo appears in the
front page of a newspaper.
GUESS THE CAPTION!! "Udurawana , third from left!"
*************************************************************

Udurawana was hosting a Japanese Delegation for
Business Development Projects in the Country. The Japanese Emissary was
Quite impressed with the Country and he stated, "Sri Lanka is an excellent
Country. Give us three years and we will turn it into an economic
superpower like Japan." Udurawana was very surprised.

"You Japanese are very inepicient," he stated. "Give me three days and I
will turn Japan into the next Sri Lanka!"
*************************************************************

God and Children

God decided to encourage people to have less children and introduced an
award scheme.

During the procedure at one point He concentrated on learning about the
situation in Sri Lanka:

He first met J.R.Jayawardena in Heaven, and asked him how many children he
had during his time on earth. J.R. replied only one! Happy with the
relatively good family planning adopted, God awarded J.R. with a Mercedes
Benz!

R.Premadasa was next, and the God asked the same question. He replied he
had two children, and the God thought this is not the best, so He gave
Premadasa a cheaper car, a Toyota.

S.W.R.D. Banadanayake was next in line. God was not pleased to hear that he
had three children, and gave him a cheap Morris Eight as a kind of a
punishment.

Sometime later, the three (J.R, Preme and Banda) going around in their
new cars, saw Udurawana on foot!

Wondering what went wrong; they asked why God hadn't been merciful with
him. Udurawana replied with anger, "God did not even ask me! - Some idiot
had told him that I was the father of the nation!"
*************************************************************************

Three Dead Bodies

Three dead bodies turned up at the morgue, all with very big smiles on
their faces. The coroner called the Police Inspector, to show him what
has happened.

"First body" : Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure whilst making love
to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the Coroner.

"Second body" : Irishman , 25, won ten-thousand pounds on the lottery,
spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."

"Ah", says the coroner, "this is the most unusual one. Udurawana, struck by lightning"
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the Inspector,
Coroner: "He thought he was having his picture taken"