Fwd: ADULT PUNS

XXX ADULT PUNS

A neurotic young playboy named Gleason
Liked boys for no tangible reason
A frontal lobotomy
All but cured him of sodomy
But ruined his plans for the season.

A friend of mine recently had a nose job and penis enlargement surgery
the same day.
Something must have gone wrong,
Because
I saw him today and he looked like an angry anteater.

Garbage men come once a week.

Tom in deep thoughts is sitting calm, very quiet.
Jerry asks,
"What is wrong with you, Tom?"
"Please don't ask."
"I am your childhood friend. Talk to me."
"My seven year old son made my secretary pregnant."
"That's not possible."
"No, he did."
"How's that possible?"
"He punctured my condoms!"

Dear Abby,
What can I do about all the Sex, Nudity, Fowl Language and Violence on my VCR?

A newlywed couple who were both avid baseball fans attended a game at Sox Park.
They were still on their honeymoon and very affectionate, hugging and
kissing so much that they weren't able to follow the game.
After a couple of seconds of thought the wife says,
"I've got an idea, honey. You kiss me on the strikes and I'll kiss you
on the balls."

Good girls think the office is the wrong place to have a romance
Bad girls think no place is the wrong place
Naughty girls have sex all over the place

Grandpa and Grandma were visiting the kids overnight, when Grandpa
found two bottles of MALE DRIVE® in his son's medicine cabinet.
He asked his grandson about taking the pills, and his grandson said,
"I don't think you should take one; they work extremely well and very fast!"
"How much is a bottle?" asked Grandpa.
"$29.95" answered the son.
"That's an incredible price," said Grandpa, "I'd like to try it, and
I'll leave the money under your pillow as soon as I break this $50.00
bill."
The next morning the grandson found $130.00 under his pillow.
He said to his Grandpa,
"I told you they cost $29.95, not $130."
"I know," said Grandpa.
"The hundred is from Grandma."

Vibrators are better than men.
It always is hard.

The fisherman called his guide on his mobile phone to make
arrangements for the following day.
"I'm going fishing and I need two punts and a canoe," he said.
When he arrived, there were two tarty looking women waiting for him at
the fishing lodge.
"What the bloody hell is this?" he asked his guide.
"Well," replied the guide, "when you phoned, I was in the bar and
there was a great deal of noise on the line. I managed to get a coupe
of the local ladies, but what in the hell is a panoe?"

Old is when if the pill works,
You call everyone you know with the good news!

I knew Carrie was into some strange shit,
But
It wasn't until the tidal wave of lukewarm, fermented urine hit me
that I realized she wasn't joking when she said she had a can-o'-pee
bed.

They will pass out free condoms, you know,
But not sex toys for women, and so
If a dildo's desired,
It can sure be acquired,
But you'll need to use cash called dil-dough.