Fwd: ... Puns of the Day ...

1. King Ozymandias of Assyria was running low on cash after years of
war with the Hittites.
His last great possession was the Star of the Euphrates, the most
valuable diamond in the ancient world.
Desperate, he went to Croesus, the pawnbroker, to ask for a loan.
Croesus said,
"I'll give you 100,000 dinars for it."
"But I paid a million dinars for it," the King protested. "Don't you
know who I am? I am the king!"
Croesus replied,

"When you wish to pawn a Star, makes no difference who you are."



2. Evidence has been found that William Tell and his family were avid
bowlers. Unfortunately, all the Swiss League records were destroyed
in a fire, and so we'll never know

"for whom the Tells bowled."



3. A man rushed into a busy doctor's surgery and shouted, "Doctor! I
think I'm shrinking!"

The doctor calmly responded,

"Now, settle down. You'll just have to be a little patient."



4. An Indian chief was feeling very sick, so he summoned the medicine
man. After a brief examination, the medicine man took out a long, thin
strip of elk rawhide and gave it to the chief, telling him to bite
off, chew, and swallow one inch of the leather every day. After a
month, the medicine man returned to see how the chief was feeling. The
chief shrugged and said,

"The thong is ended, but the malady lingers on."

5. A famous Viking explorer returned home from a voyage and found his
name missing from the town register. His wife insisted on complaining
to the local civic official, who apologized profusely saying,

"I must have taken Leif off my census."



6. There were three Indian squaws. One slept on a deer skin, one slept
on an elk skin, and the third slept on a hippopotamus skin. All three
became pregnant. The first two, each had a baby boy. The one who slept
on the hippopotamus skin had twin boys. This just goes to prove
that...

The squaw of the hippopotamus is equal to the sons of the squaws of
the other two hides. (Some of you may need help with this one; Clue :
Pythogoras' Theorem.)



7. A sceptical anthropologist was cataloguing South American folk
remedies with the assistance of a tribal elder who indicated that the
leaves of a particular fern were a sure cure for any case of
constipation. When the anthropologist expressed his doubts, the elder
looked him in the eye and said,

"Let me tell you, with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."