XXXX ADULT PUNS!

MODELS will do it in any position.
MODEM MANUFACTURERS do it with all sorts of characters.
MOTORCYCLISTS like something hot between their legs.
MOUNTAIN CLIMBERS like to be on top
MOVIE STARS do it on film.



On the first night of their honeymoon, the very naive virgin bride slipped
into a sexy, but sweet nightie and, with great anticipation, crawled into
bed, only to find that her husband had settled down on the couch.
When she asked him why he was apparently not going to make love to her, he
replied,
"Because it's Lent."
"Why, that is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard," she exclaimed,
close to tears. "To whom and for how long?!"

Man who lose key to woman's apartment get no new key.

The businesswoman, in town for an important meeting, checked into her room
at the swank hotel and unpacked her bags.
Noticing that her best suit had been badly wrinkled during her flight, she
telephoned the desk and asked the hotel's valet service to pick it up for
pressing.
Almost immediately after she hung up the phone, a knock sounded at the door,
and there stood an elderly Chinaman, waiting. Impressed by the fast service,
the career woman exclaimed,
"My, you come lickety-split!"
"No, ma'am," replied the elderly Asian man. "Come to get laundry."

If marriage is all about procreation and children,
Should we require a woman to be pregnant before a couple marries?
Just to make sure they're doing it for the right reasons.

One day, a door-to-door salesman knocked on a door.
Little Johnny answered the door and the salesman asked if his mother was
home.
Little Johnny said
"No, she is at the whore house."
The bright salesman asked if she was a prostitute, and the little boy
replied,
"No, she is a substitute. She only works Wednesdays and Fridays during the
rush."
The salesman said,
"Well I'll be a son-of-a-bitch."
The little boy said,
"Well, I'm one too, but I don't go around knocking on doors telling folks."

To get a sorority girl in your bed, grease her hips so she'll fit through
the door and throw a Twinkie on the bed.

One morning while making breakfast, a man walked up to his wife and pinched
her one the butt and said,
"You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of your girdle."
While this was on the edge of intolerable, she controlled her anger and
replied with silence.
The next morning, the man woke his wife with a pinch one the breast and
said,
"You know if you firmed these up we could get rid of your bra."
That did it!
She rolled over and grabbed him by his dick.
With a death grip in place she said,
"You know if you firmed this up we could get rid of the postman, the
Gardner, the pool man, and your brother!"

How do you know when the wife is taking too many steroids?
You come home one evening, she strips you, throws you on the couch and
screws you up the ass hole with her clitoris!

It was a difficult case for the jurors.
They had to decide whether the owners of the bottoms up club in New York
City were guilty of obscenity.
The judge decided that it would probably be best if the jury went to the
club and see the allegedly obscene act.
The judge and the jury watched the act once, focusing on the part where a
sexy couple performed the "Dance of Love" with a climactic scene of
lovemaking on a bearskin rug.
The jury was unable to decide definitely whether it was obscene or not.
So, the jury members asked to see the act one more time.
They watched it carefully again.
But they still couldn't reach a decision.
So, this time they asked the understudies to perform the same act one more
time.
Fortunately, the police involved in the case were very understanding.
According to the detective:
"It is a difficult matter. The police have watched the show 75 times."

What do you call someone who doesn't fart in public?
A private tutor.