XXX ADULT PUNS!

George was describing his new secretary enthusiastically to the family at
dinner:
"She's efficient, personable, clever, punctual, and darned attractive, to
boot. In short, she's a real doll!"
"A doll?" said his wife.
"A doll!" re-emphasized George.
At which point, their five-year-old daughter, who knew about dolls, looked
up from her broccoli to ask:
"And does she close her eyes when you lay her down, Daddy?"

A sweet young thing of our acquaintance decided that she would rather be a
young man's slave than an old man's darling,
Because
She couldn't stand the idea of old age creeping up on her.

Men are like Cement.
After getting laid, they take a long time to get hard.

Dan married one of a pair of identical twin girls.
Less than a year later, he was in court filing for a divorce.
"Okay," the judge-said, "tell the court why you want a divorce."
"Well, your honour," Dan started, "every once in a while my sister-in law
would come over for a visit, and because she and my wife are so identical
looking, every once in a while I'd end up making love to her by mistake."
"Surely there must be some difference between the two women." the judge
said.
"You'd better believe there is a difference, your honour. That's why I want
the divorce."

I keep telling my wife:
"It's NOT cheating on you with your sister, it's making love to you by
proxy."
Some women just don't understand.

A paper bag goes to the doctor and complains of feeling really ill.
The doctor does a lot of tests and tells the paper bag to come back next
week for the results.
The following week the paper bag is extremely distressed to be told by his
doctor that he has Hepatitis B.
"But how can this be," he cries, "I'm only a paper bag".
"Well, ER, have you had unprotected sex in the last year?", asks the doctor.
"No, how can I?'' he shouts, "I'm only a paper bag."
"How about sharing needles, giving blood, anything like that?"
"I've said to you before," the paper bag sobs, "How can I? I'm only a paper
bag."
"Ahhhh," says the doctor shaking his head sadly,
"As I suspected - your mother must have been a carrier."