Italian Letter of Complaint

An Italiano tourist wrote a complaint letter to the Manager of a hotel
in London. The letter read as follows:

Dear Signor Diretorre

Now I am tella you the story how I was treated at your hotella.I am
comma from Palermo as tourist to London and stay as a young man at
your hotella. When I comma in my room I see no shit in my bed.

How can I sleep with no shit in my bed? I calla down the Receptione
and tell: " I wanna shit ".They tella me " Go to the toillett ". I
said " No, no. I wanna Shit in my bed ". They said " You betta not
shit in your bed, you sonnawabitch ".

What is sonnawabitch? !

I go down to ristorante for breakfast. I order bacon and eggs

and Two pisses of toast. I getta only one piss of toast. I tella

waitress and point to toast " I wanna piss ". She tella "Go to the

toillett ". I say " No, no. I wanna piss on my plate ". She then say to

me " You bloody fella better not piss on the plate, you sonnawabitch
"Second person who do not even know me and call me sonnawabitch!

What is sonnawabitch?

Later I go dinner into restorante. Spoon and knife is laid but no fock. I

tella waitress " I wanna fock ",
and she tella me " Sure everybody wanna fock".
I tell her " No, No. You don't understand me. I wanna fock on The table".

She then tell me " So you sonnawabitch, wanna fock on the table? Get
your ass outa here! "

So I go to the receptione and ask for bills. I no wanna stay in your
hotel no more.

When I have pay the bills, the porter say to me " Thank you and piss
be with you ". I say " Piss on you too, you sonnawabitch ".

I go back to Italy! I never more comma stay in your hotella or you
Country, You sonnawabitch.