Matrimonial from a Pakistani man

Reply to an online Matrimonial from a Pakistani man:

Madam:

I am an young uncle living only with myself in Lahore. Having seen
your advertisement for marriage purposes, I decided to press myself on
you and hope you will take me nicely.

I am a spoiled son from inside Punjab. I am nice and big, six foot
tall and six inches long. My body is filled with hardness, as because
I am working hardly. I am playing hardly also. Especially I like
cricket and I am a good batter and I am a fast baller. Whenever I come
running in for balling, other batters start running. Everybody is
scared of my rapid balls that bounce a lot.

I am very nice man. I am always laughing loudly at everyone. I am
jolly. I am gay. Especially ladies, they are saying I am nice and
soft. I am always giving respect to the ladies. I am always allowing
ladies to get on top.
That is how nice I am. I am not having any bad habits.

I am not drinking and I am not sucking tobacco or anything else. Every
morning I am going to the Jim and I am pumping like anything. Daily I
am pumping and pumping. If you want you can come and see how much I am
pumping the dumb bells in the Jim.

I am having a lot of money in my pants and my pants is always open for you.
I am such a nice man, but still I am living with myself only. What to
do? So I am taking things into my own hands everyday. That is why I am
pressing myself on you, so that you will come in my house and take my
things into your hand.

If you are marrying me madam, I am telling you, I will be loving you
very hard every day. In fact, I will stop pumping dumb bells in the
Jim.
If you are not marrying me madam and not coming to me, I will press
you and press you until you come. So, I am placing my head between
your nicely smelling feet and looking up with lots of hope.

I am waiting very badly for your reply and I am stiff with anticipation.

Expecting soon,

Yours and only yours

Choudhary Warraich born by mother in Okara and become big in Lahore, Punjab.