Dilbert's Laws Of Work:

* A pat on the back is only a few centimetres from a kick in the butt.

* Don't be irreplaceable,
If you can't be replaced,
You can't be promoted.

* The more crap you put up with,
The more crap you are going to get.

* You can go anywhere you want if you look serious and carry a clipboard.

* Eat one live toad the first thing in the morning and nothing worse
will happen to you the rest of the day.

* When the bosses talk about improving productivity,
They are never talking about themselves.

* If at first you don't succeed, try again.
Then quit.
No use being a damn fool about it.

* Everything can be filed under "miscellaneous."

* Never delay the ending of a meeting or
The beginning of a cocktail hour.

* To err is human,
To forgive is not our policy.

* Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he/she
is supposed to be doing.

* If you are good,
You will be assigned all the work.
If you are really good,
You will get out of it.

* You are always doing something marginal when the boss drops by your desk.

* People who go to conferences are the ones who shouldn't.

* If it wasn't for the last minute,
Nothing would get done.

* When you don't know what to do,
Walk fast and look worried.

* When confronted by a difficult problem you can solve it more easily
by reducing it to the question,
"How would the Lone Ranger handle this?"

* No matter how much you do,
You never do enough.