Groaner

Yesterday, I was buying a large bag of Purina dog chow at Wal-Mart for
Athena the wonder dog and was about to check out. A woman behind me
asked if I had a dog.

What did she think I had -- an elephant?

So, since I'm retired, with little to do, and on impulse, I told her
that no, I didn't have a dog, but I was starting the Purina Diet
again.

Although I probably shouldn't, because I'd ended up in the hospital
last time...

But, that I'd lost 50 pounds before I woke up in ICU with tubes coming
out of most of my orifices and IV's in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it
works is to load your pants pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat
one or two every time you feel hungry, and that the food is
nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to
mention here that practically everyone in the line was, by now,
enthralled with my story.)

Horrified, she asked if I ended up in Intensive Care because the dog
food poisoned me.

I told her no; I stepped off a curb to sniff an Irish Setter's behind,
and a car hit us both.

I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was
laughing so hard!

Wal-Mart won't let me shop there anymore.

(Better watch what you ask retired people. They have all the time in
the world to think of crazy things to say.)