Fwd: ADULT PUNS

XXXX ADULT PUNS

There was a young fellow named Sweeney,
Whose girl was a terrible meanie.
The hatch of her snatch,
Had a catch that would latch;
She could only be screwed by Houdini.

I take Viagra and Prozac together.
If I can't get it up, I don't care.

Joey was hanging in a bar and his friends asked him if he had scored lately.
Joey told his friends man I picked up this chick the other night and
had the best sex ever, the only problem was she was a total Butter
Face!
His friends asked him what the hell is a Butter Face?
Joey answered everything about her was "HOT" but her face!

In some businesses, the tricks are the trade.
An attractive woman turned to the man in the business suit behind her
in the elevator.
"Excuse me," she asked, "but aren't you Little Johnny?"
The man cleared his throat,
"Yes, as a matter of fact, I am."
"Oh," she gushed, "I've always wanted to meet you, Little Johnny. And
now that we're together," she continued throatily, "I'll tell you what
I'd like to do; I'm inviting you back to my room, where I'll kneel in
front of you and pull out your cock and suck it till you have a giant
hard-on and suck it some more until you come all over my face."
"I don't know," said Little Johnny, thinking it over. "What's in it for me?

Did you hear about the girl chasing the boy around the church?
She caught him by the organ!

The desperate looking woman sat disconsolately in her attorney's office.
"On what grounds do you want a divorce?" asked the lawyer.
"On the grounds of extreme cruelty," she replied. "He want sex every
night, front and back, and he has a dick like a donkey's! It hurts
like buggery!"
The lawyer raised an eyebrow and said,
"If that is the case, I will file your petition,".
"File my petition? Pig's bloody arse you will! Let that bastard sandpaper his!"

LOVE - When you're only interested in doing things with your partner.
LUST - When you're only interested in doing things to your partner.
MARRIAGE - When you're only interested in your golf score.

Bubba was fixing a door and he found that he needed a new hinge,
So, he sent Mary Louise to the hardware store.
At the hardware store Mary Louise saw a beautiful teapot on a top
shelf while she was waiting for Joe Bob to finish waiting on a
customer.
When Joe Bob was finished, Mary Louise asked how much for the teapot?
Joe Bob replied
"That's silver and it costs $100!"
"My goodness, that sure is a lotta money!" Mary Louise exclaimed.
She then proceeded to describe the hinge that Bubba had sent her to
buy, and Jo Bob went to the backroom to find a hinge.
From the backroom Joe Bob yelled
"Mary Louise, you wanna screw for that hinge?'
Mary Louise replied,
"No, but I will for the teapot."

If you drink don't park,
Accidents cause people.

"Daddy, what does a vagina look like?"
"Well son, it's like a very pretty, delicate flower that must be
plucked very gently."
"Well what does it look like after you pluck it?"
"Like a bulldog with a mouthful of mayonnaise."

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom.
It makes the wife look like she's moving during sex.

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.
As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he
opened his trench coat and flashed her.
Without missing a beat...she said,
"Sir, I need to see your ticket, not your stub."

Phillip's Milk of Amnesia for people who can't remember shit.

With a toss of her silvery hair,
She said to him: "Now then, Mon cher;
While we wait for your phallus
To go and Cialis,
There's much you can do below there."