Fwd: Adult Puns

XXXX ADULT PUNS

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."'
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - When intercourse is a town in Pennsylvania.

Did you hear the Statue of Liberty has AIDS?
She got rammed by the Staten Island ferry.

If an Irishman's wife is having too many brats, remove his right testicle.
If she continues to have too many brats, remove his left testicle.
If the Irishman's wife still has too many brats after you have removed
both testicles,
You done castrated the wrong Irishman.

Horny boyfriend:
"Please, I'll only be in you for a minute."
Girlfriend:
"What do you think I am, a microwave?"

After living in the remote countryside of Ireland all his life, an old
Irishman decided it was time to visit Dublin.
In one of the stores he picks up a mirror and looks in it.
Not ever having seen one before, he remarked at the image staring back at him.
"How 'bout that!" he exclaims. "Here's a picture of me Fadder."
He bought the mirror thinking it was a picture of his dad, but on the
way home he remembered his wife didn't like his father,
So he hung it in the shed, and every morning before leaving to go
fishin', he would go there and look at it.
His wife began to get suspicious of these many trips to the shed.
So, one day after her husband left, she went to the shed and found the mirror.
As she looked into the glass, she fumed,
"So that's the ugly bitch he's runnin' around with."

One day my six year old asked,
"Daddy, what's a transvestite?"
I said,
"Go ask your mother. He'll tell you."

A young blonde girl was telling her friend about her sex life, she says,
"Oh my God! , it was really great, but I was so scared after his
rubber broke. I didn't get a good night's sleep for a week."
"What happened?" says her intrigued friend.
"I didn't know what I was going to do, but I was finally able to get
the last little piece of it out with dental floss."

What's another name for a zipper?
A Penis Fly Trap.

The three brothers, Tom, Dick, and Harry, well, Tom calls Dick and says,
" Listen, Dick, my wife has been in the hospital for two months, and I
need a woman! Why don't you send your wife over to spend a couple of
nights with me, and when my wife gets out of the hospital, I'll let
her spend a couple of nights with you, OK?"
This really makes Dick angry!
So angry that he called Harry, and told him all about it.
Harry says,
"Man, you should have taken him up on that deal. His wife is three
times better than your wife!"

On wall in ladies room:
"My husband follows me everywhere."
Written just below it:
"I do not."

I just bought a new state-of-the-art Sony car stereo.
When you shout out "Soul", it plays soul music.
When you shout out "Rock", it plays rock music.
Some kids ran in front of my car this morning and I shouted
"f*ckin' kids," and it played Michael Jackson.

Men taking iron supplements are warned that taking Viagra may cause
them to spin around and point north.

"That new girl in the typing pool is driving me crazy!" bemoaned Rich
to Ernie. "That girl is a real mirage."
"Aren't you using the wrong word?" asked Ernie. "A mirage is something
you can see but can't feel."
"Yeah," came the reply "That describes her exactly!"

I called this girlfriend of mine and asked her if she was free Saturday night.
She said no,
But
She would be reasonable.

A fellow was trying to pass
A lass who was swinging her ass
Side to side - super-sized.
He was quite hypnotized,
And his privates went public en masse.