Fwd: Adult Puns

XXX ADULT PUNS


Everybody likes a little ass,
But
Nobody likes a smart ass.
That's why donkeys don't go to College.

One day a man came home from work earlier than usual and caught his
wife in bed with his best friend.
Enraged, the husband grabbed a gun and shot his friend to death.
His wife said,
"Ya' know, if you go on like this, you're going to lose ALL your friends."

What's the definition of an Impotent Loser?
A guy who can't even get his hopes up.

A pirate walks into a bar.
Oddly enough, he has a ships wheel sticking out of the front of his pants.
He waddles uncomfortably up to the bar and orders a beer.
Everyone is kind of looking at him.
The bartender serves him his beer, and says,
"Excuse me sir, I can't help, but ask. I notice you have a ships wheel
stuck in your pants. Isn't that kind of uncomfortable?"
The pirate says:
Arrrh! It's drivin' me nuts!"

What is 68?
That's where you do me and I owe you one.

A company was looking to hire someone for an important position,
So, they interviewed dozens of applicants and narrowed their search
down three people.
In an attempt to pick one of them, they decided to give them all the
same question to answer within 24 hours and the one with the best
answer would get the job.
The question was:
A man and a woman are in bed, nude. The woman is lying on her side
with her back facing the man, and the man is lying on his side facing
the woman's back. What is the man's name? After the 24 hours was up,
the three were brought in to give their answers.
The first one says
"My answer is, there IS no answer."
The second one says
"My answer is, that there is no way to determine the answer with the
information we were given."
The third one says
"I'm not exactly sure, but I have it narrowed down to two names. It's
either Willie Turner or Willie Nailer."
He got the job!

I've decided to stop beating around the bush.
I'm going to move on to the ornamental shrubbery.

The Mother Superior pled,
"You ought to be chaste till you're wed.
You should try flagellation
To end your frustration.
It works great, on the hole, so it's said.


There's very little advice in men's magazines,
Because men think,
"I know what I'm doing. Just show me somebody naked !"

Mother Superior to Reporter:
"It's quite easy for us to be celibate, my son, most of the priests
prefer choir boys."

The boss was chasing his secretary as usual.
He suggested,
"Let's go up to my apartment tonight."
She answered,
"I am very didactic and pithy in my refusal of your very derogatory,
vituperative and vitriolic proposition."
The boss said,
"I don't get it."
She answered,
"That's what I've been trying to tell you."

"You wouldn't believe how inexperienced with women my ex was when we
first married."
"How bad was he?"
"On our wedding night, he tried to inflate me."

I once ate at a great steak and seafood restaurant.
When the waitress arrived, I ordered the rump roast,
So, she took me into the back office and we had anal sex.
I ended up getting the crabs instead.

"Can you help me?" Dianne asks her doctor..
He replies,
"I'm afraid there's no cure for being a natural bitch."