Fwd: Happy New Year!

As we move into 2015, here are some thoughts to ponder........

Old age is coming at a really bad time.
I'm going to retire and live off of my savings. Not sure what I'll do
that second week.
The biggest lie I tell myself is ... "I don't need to write that down,
I'll remember it."
At my age "Getting lucky" means walking into a room and remembering
what I came in there for.
When I was a child I thought Nap Time was a punishment ... now, as a
grown up, it just feels like a small vacation.
The kids text me "plz" which is shorter than please. I text back "no"
which is shorter than "yes".
I've lost my mind and I'm pretty sure my kids took it!
Last year I joined a support group for procrastinators. We haven't met yet.
I don't trip over things, I do random gravity checks.
I don't have gray hair. I have "wisdom highlights". I'm just very wise.
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would've put them on my knees.
Lord, Give me patience and give it to me NOW.
My people skills are just fine. It's my tolerance to idiots that needs work.
Even duct tape can't fix stupid ... but it can muffle the sound!
Of course I talk to myself, sometimes I need expert advice.
I don't need anger management. I need people to stop pissing me off!
I like my middle finger best because it always sticks up for me!
Lord grant me the strength to accept the things I cannot change, the
courage to change the things I can & the friends to post my bail when
I finally snap!