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We know the Cinderella story was written by a woman,
Because
If it was written by a guy, the prince would have screwed her until
midnight, and then she would have turned into a pizza.

You know for sure a blonde's been in your fridge by the lipstick on
the cucumbers!

A stewardess did her usual act of showing passengers the safety drill.
Near the end she said,
'And in the event of an emergency, bend forward and put your head
between your legs.'
Eunice said to her boyfriend Jeff,
"I can't bend that far these days!"
Jeff replied with a smile,
"Well then, you'll just have to put your head between my legs."
Eunice looked wide-eyed at her boy friend, and asked,
"If my head were between your legs, where could you put your head?"
"My love," replied Jeff, "if you've got your head between my legs, I
won't give a damn where my head is!"

If she wants to do it French, Russian or Greek,
It doesn't mean you have to go to Berlitz and learn the language.

Jeff walks into a bar and sees his friend Paul slumped over the bar.
He walks over and asks Paul what's wrong.
"Well," replies Paul, "You know that beautiful girl at work that I
wanted to ask out, but I got an erection every time I saw her?"
"Yes," replies Jeff with a laugh.
"Well," says Paul, straightening up, "I finally worked up the courage
to ask her out, and she agreed."
"That's great!" says Jeff, "When are you going out?"
"I went to meet her this evening," continues Paul, "but I was worried
I'd get an erection again. So, I got some duct tape and taped "it" to
my leg, so if I did, it wouldn't show".
"Sensible" says Jeff.
"So I get to her door," says Paul, "and I rang her doorbell. She
answered it in the sheerest, sexiest, dress you ever saw."
"And what happened then?"
"I kicked her in the face."

Faster, Harder, Deeper" is not the motto of the Olympics.

Jasmine went to Melva's place to tell her about a horrible experience
she had the previous night with this guy she took home.
"Well, what happened when you got there?" asked Melva.
"After we had some real freaky sex, the son-of-a-bitch called me a slut!"
Somewhat shocked, Melva asked,
"What did you do then?"
"I told him to get the hell out of my bedroom, and to take his five
biker friends with him!"

The only thing worse than having your doctor tell you that you have a
sexually transmitted disease is
Having your dentist confirm it.

Tarzan leaves the jungle, comes to civilization, and applies for a job.
Interviewer: Name?
Tarzan: Me Tarzan
Interviewer: Married?
Tarzan: Wife Jane
Interviewer: Children?
Tarzan: Son boy
Interviewer: Anything else to your name besides Tarzan?
Tarzan: Tarzan, King of the Jungle
Interviewer: Jane's Whole Name
Tarzan: Jane's Hole named Pussy

Men are like bagpipes,
You won't get anything unless you blow them first.