Fwd: Adult Puns!

XXX ADULT PUNS!



A 13 year old boy got hold of his fathers' Viagra.
They rushed him to the hospital with 3rd degree burns on his hands.

A campus biggie went out for the first time with a vivacious little
baton-twirling champion of the college marching band, and he ended up
in hospital.
"What happened, Bob?" inquired his visiting roommate.
"Let's call it a case of overreaction," groaned the patient. "After
the dance and a hamburger, we drove over and parked in Memorial Grove.
Matters proceeded nicely, and she began to give me a tantalizing slow
hand job, but then some jerk in the car alongside began to whistle the
school fight song!"

"So how often do you have sex with your wife?"
"Oh, four or five times a week."
"That's more often than I get it!"
"Well it should be, after all she's my wife."

A young woman, feeling morning dizziness and strange cravings, goes to
see a gynaecologist.
After a thorough examination, the Doctor tells her:
"Well, my dear, I am puzzled; the test shows that you are pregnant,
but when I examined you, I found that you are still a virgin. I mean,
your hymen is not ruptured, except for seven tiny holes, a little more
that pinpricks. By the way, what did you say your name was?"
"My name is Snow White", replies the girl.

Have you heard about Michael Jackson's autobiography?
It's called, "The In's and Out's of Child Rearing."

After a few years of married life, a man finds that he is unable to perform.
He goes to his doctor, and his doctor tries a few things but nothing works.
Finally, the doctor says to him:
"This is all in your mind," and refers him to a psychiatrist.
After a few visits, the shrink confesses:
"I am at a loss as to how you could possibly be cured."
Finally, the psychiatrist refers him to a witch doctor.
The witch doctor says:
"I can cure this."
He throws some powder on a flame, and there Is a flash with billowing
blue smoke.
The witch doctor says:
"This is powerful healing, but you can only use it once a year! All
you have to do is say '1-2-3' and it shall rise for as long as you
wish!"
The guy then asks the witch doctor:
"What happens when it's over?"
The witch doctor says:
"All you or your partner has to say is '1234' and it will go down. But
be warned: it will not work again for a year!"
The guy goes home and that night he is ready to surprise his wife with
the good news.
So, he is lying in bed with her and says: "1-2-3" and suddenly he gets
an erection.
His wife turns over and says:
"What did you says, '1-2-3' for?"

Do you wake up in the morning feeling sleepy and grumpy?
Then you must be Snow White.

Our instructor was lecturing about self-examination of the breast or
testicles when a female student asked another male student and me if
we ever got an erection while we did self- examination of our
testicles.
We answered that it was possible that we had.
You know, you don't really want everyone to know when you get aroused.
She then asked,
"What do you do about it?"
We said in unison,
"Nothing, why?"
She then said,
"You mean you go around with a hard penis all day?"
We said no way!
She then states,
"You mean a man's penis will go down without having an orgasm?"
We both said yes.
At which time she says,
"I'm going to kill my husband!"

The nymphomaniac dieter was weighed in the balance and found wanton.

Did you hear about the stressed out Priest who went to the Doctor in a
panic and asked him,
"What does it mean Doc, when I go pee it burns like the Fire of Satan
and I have this God awful drip?"
The Doc smiled and said,
"It means the Alter boy lied. He wasn't a Virgin."

Headquarters:
The room where enlisted women blow the officers?

A methodical young girl named Jade,
Could recall every boy that she'd laid.
She recorded each poke,
Every thrust, every stroke,
And precisely how much she'd been paid.