CREATION 1. 1
In the beginning, God created the Heavens and the Earth and populated
the Earth with broccoli, cauliflower and spinach, green and yellow and
red vegetables of all kinds, so Man and Woman would live long and healthy lives.
Then, using God's great gifts, Satan created Ben and Jerry's Ice Cream
and Krispy Creme Donuts. And Satan said, "You want chocolate with
that?" And Man said, "Yes!" and Woman said, "and as long as you're at
it, add some sprinkles." And they both gained 10 pounds each. And
Satan smiled.
And it came to pass thet God created the healthful yogurt that Woman
might keep her figure that Man found so curvy and appealing. And
Satan brought forth white flour from the wheat, and sugar from the
cane and combined them. And Woman went from size 6 to size 14.
So God said, "Try my fresh green salad." And Satan presented
Thousand-Island Dressing, buttery croutons and garlic toast on the
side.
And Man and Woman unfastened their belts following the repast.
God then said, "I have sent you heart healthy vegetables and olive oil
in which to cook them." And Satan brought forth deep fried fish and
chicken-fried steak so big it needed its own platter. And Man gained
more weight and his cholesterol went through the roof.
God then created a light, fluffy white cake, named it "Angel Food
Cake," and said, "It is good." Satan then created chocolate cake and
named
it "Devil's Food Cake."
God then brought forth running shoes so that His children might lose
those extra pounds. And Satan gave cable TV with a remote control so
Man would not have to toil changing the channels. And Man and Woman
laughed and cried before the flickering blue light and gained pounds.
Then God brought forth the potato, naturally low in fat and brimming
with nutrition. And Satan peeled off the healthful skin and sliced the
starchy center into chips and deep-fried them. And Man gained pounds.
God then gave lean beef so that Man might consume fewer calories and
still satisfy his appetite. And Satan created McDonald's and its
99-cent double cheeseburger. Then said, "You want fries with that?"
And Man replied, "Yes! And super size them!" And Satan said, "It is
good." And Man went into cardiac arrest.
God sighed and created quadruple bypass surgery.
