Two good ones.......

After retiring, I went to the Social Security
office to apply for Social Security. The woman behind the
counter asked me for my driver's license to verify my
age. I looked in my pockets and realized I had left my
wallet at home.

I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I
would have to go home and come back later.

The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt'.

So I opened my shirt revealing my curly silver
hair. She said, 'That silver hair on your chest is proof
enough for me' and she processed my Social Security
application.

When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office.

She said, 'You should have dropped your pants.
You might have gotten disability, too'

********

My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high
school reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady
swigging her drink as she sat alone at a nearby table.

My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'

'Yes,' I sighed, 'She's my old girlfriend.

I understand she took to drinking right after we
split up those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't
been sober since.'

'My God!' says my wife, 'Who would
think a person could go on celebrating that long?'