FREQUENT FLYERS TO NOTE - NEW AIRLINE RULES

Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, Sir. May I see your ticket?
Passenger: Sure.
Attendant: You're in seat 12B.. That will be $5, please!
Passenger: What for?
Attendant: For telling you where to sit.
Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.
Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5.
It's the airline's new policy.
Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.
Attendant:Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?
Passenger:Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to
hear about this.
Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy.
Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?
Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.
Attendant:No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.
Passenger: What?
Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.
Passenger:This is extortion. I won't stand for it.
Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit,
and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate.
But, first I need that $10.
Passenger:No way!
Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air
marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.
Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?
Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.
Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.
Attendant:Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else
I can do for you?
Passenger:Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem
to work. Can you fix it?
Attendant:Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two
quarters into the Overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.
Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?
Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of
charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.
Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?
Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!
Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.
Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.
Passenger: For crying' out loud. All I have left is a lousy quarter?
What the heck can I do with this?
Attendant: Hang onto it. You'll need it later for the lavatory