XXX ADULT PUNS!

A dentist, young doctor Malone,
Got a charming girl patient alone,
And, in his depravity,
Filled the wrong cavity.
Now she's nursing the filling at home!



As the high school teacher was correcting essays written by her students she
read,
"Pedro jumped on his burrow and rode off into the sunset."
She wrote at the bottom of the page,
"You obviously have problems with homonyms. A burrow is a hole in the
ground. A burro is an ass. At your age, it's time for you to learn the
difference."

Everyone is talking about phone sex.
I tried it once, but the holes were too small.

Billy Bob and Lester were talking one afternoon when Billy Bob told Lester,
"You know, I reckon I'm about ready for a vacation. Only this year I'm going
to do it a little different. The last few years, I took your suggestions as
to where to go? Three years ago you said to go to Hawaii. I went to Hawaii
and Marie got pregnant. Then, two years ago, you told me to go to the
Bahamas, and Marie got pregnant again.
Last year, you suggested Tahiti and damn if Marie didn't get pregnant
again."
Lester asks Billy Bob,
"So, what are you going to do this year that's different?"
Billy Bob says,
"This year, I'm taking Marie with me."


Being older with grown children, I often tell younger parents to enjoy them
now.
It's a short time between shitty diapers to a shitty attitude.

On their wedding night, the young bride approached her new husband and asked
for $20.00 for their first lovemaking encounter.
In his highly aroused state, her husband readily agreed.
This scenario was repeated each time they made love for more than 30 years,
with him thinking that it was a cute way for her to afford new clothes and
other incidentals that she needed.
Arriving home around noon one day, she was surprised to find her husband in
a very drunken state.
During the next few minutes, he explained that his employer was going
through a process of corporate downsizing, and he had been let go.
It was unlikely that, at the age of 59, he'd be able to find another job.
Calmly, his wife handed him a bankbook that showed more than thirty years of
steady deposits and interest totaling nearly $1 million.
Then, she showed him certificates of deposits issued by the bank that were
worth over $2 million.
She explained that she had 'charged' him for sex, and these were the results
of her savings and investments.
The husband was so astounded he could barely speak.
Finally, he found his voice and blurted out,
"If I'd had any idea what you were doing, I would have had sex only with
you."
That's when she shot him.
You know, men just don't know when to keep their mouth shut, especially when
drunk!


Bill Clinton went to Victoria's Secret when the panties were half off.

The lanky Texas ranch hand was still a virgin at twenty-one,
So, on his first trip to the big city, he decided to visit a brothel and
find out what he'd been missing.
Upon securing the address of a rather exclusive establishment, he soon found
himself lying in bed with an attractive partner.
Sensing the lad was somewhat inexperienced, the professional gently took his
hand and placed it on the source of her income.
"Is this what you're looking for?" she whispered seductively.
"Well, I don't rightly know, ma'am," the cowboy murmured shyly. "I'm a
stranger to these parts."

Got this text from my brother recently.
It read.
"Can I stay at your house for a while? The Old Lady kicked me out after she
caught me measuring my dick. It just reaches the back of her sister's
throat! "

THis morning in biology class.
We had to put our own saliva under a microscope.
Suddenly, a girl shouts out very agitated:
"There's something moving here!"
All were very quiet, the teacher looked at it, looked again and said:
"Oh, that's definitively a living sperm cell."
I think the girl just wanted to die.

Putting up a tent, is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You rent her,
Unzip the door,
Put up your pole and
Slip in to the old bag.