XXX ADULT PUNS!

I thought that we never would part
So, I gave to that trollop, my heart
But the slut often strays
She's not mended her ways
It appears I have made a false tart


There was a large revival meeting on the outskirts of town, and at the
appropriate corner there was a large sign proclaiming the following:
"If you are weary of sin and want to be saved, turn here, go 100 yards, and
come into the revival tent."
Below the sign someone had hung another smaller one, which read:
"If NOT weary, call Sherry 867-5309."

Chris Christie's office announced that the Governor, trying to lose weight,
has undergone a "Lap-Band" procedure. Although when Bill Clinton called to
congratulate him Christie had to explain,
"Uh Mr. President, that's BAND, not DANCE."

An old farmer decided to get a new rooster for his hens because the current
rooster was getting on in years.
He bought a young rooster and turned it loose into the barnyard.
The old rooster eyed the new arrival with concern and said,
"So, you're the new lover in town? I'm not ready for the chopping block just
yet. I am still the better bird, and to prove it, I challenge you to a race
around the hen house. We'll run around 10 times, and whoever finishes first
gets all the hens to him self."
"You're on."
The young rooster said,
"And considering you age, I'll even give you a head start of about a half
lap."
The two birds took their marks and the race began.
After the first lap, he was still ahead, but by the fifth lap he was barely
in the front of the young rooster.
The farmer, hearing the commotion, grabbed his shotgun, and ran out into the
barnyard, and watch in disgust as the two roosters ran around the hen house.
He aimed his shotgun, fired, and blew away the young rooster. As the farmer
walked away; mumbling to him self.
"Damn that is the third cock sucking rooster I've bought this month."

The most enjoyable form of sex education is
The Braille method.

The pretty teacher is concerned about one of her eleven-year-old students.
Taking him aside after class one day, she asks,
"Johnny, why has your schoolwork been so poor lately?"
"I'm in love," The boy sighs.
Holding back an urge to smile, the teacher asks,
"With whom?"
"With you," he admits with a blush.
"But Johnny," she says gently, "don't you see how silly this is? It's true
that I would like a husband of my own one day, but I don't want a child."
"Oh, don't worry, teacher," the boy replies reassuringly. "I'll use a
condom."

"Darling," murmured the girl to her boyfriend, "when did you first realize
that you were in love with me?"
"Well, I suppose," whispered the man tenderly, "it was when I started
getting angry with all the other guys in the office who said you were a
lousy lay."

Little Johnny was only six years old when he tried to feel his sister's
friend's private area.
She slapped him, and said not to because it has teeth and will bite.
As the years passed, and Little Johnny grew to become a man, he was sitting
in his car with his girlfriend, rubbing her thighs and squeezing her
breasts, when she said,
"Aren't you going to feel my pussy?"
He said,
"I can't, Its got teeth!"
"Don't be a fool," she said, "Have a look if you don't believe me."
So, he thought about it, then took off her panties and spread her legs.
He looked in and said,
"I'm not surprised you haven't got any teeth with gums like that!"

Confucius Say:
A chicken is the result of a sitting hen,
While
A baby is the result of standing cock.

A lady and her dog were enjoying a stroll in the park when her dog was
mounted from behind by a large Rottweiler.
The Rot was really humping away and the lady was frantically trying to break
them up, to no avail.
A small boy walked up and stuck his finger in the Rots ass and the action
immediately stopped.
The lady was amazed.
"How did you do that?" she asked.
The little boy said,
"That's my dog and he can dish it out, but he can't take it."

Giving a BJ is a win/lose situation.
He may have you on your knees, but you have him by the balls!