XX ADULT PUNS!

Little Sally came home from school with a smile on her face and told her
mother,
"Frankie Brown showed me his willy today in the playground!"
Before her mother could raise a concern, Sally said,
"It reminded me of a peanut."
Relaxing with a hidden smile, Sally's Mom asked,
"Really small, was it?"
Sally replied,
"No, it was salty."
Mom fainted.

What word starts with"f" and ends with a "k" and if you can't get it you
have to use your hands?
Fork.


DONKEY BARBECUE:
Where everybody gets a piece of ass.

Dave sold strawberries off his truck out in the suburbs.
He knocked one the door of a house.
"Want to buy some strawberries?"
"Come around the back," answered the pretty young blonde.
Dave walked to the rear, rang the bell, and the woman opened the door.
To Dave's shock, she stood there stark naked.
Not a stitch of clothes on.
Dave started to cry.
"What's the matter?" asked the blonde.
"Today, my wife ran away with my best friend," explained Dave, "I lost three
thousand dollars on the stock market, and now you're going to screw me out
of my strawberries."

Having therapy is very much like making love to a beautiful woman.
You get on the couch, string them along with some half-lies and evasions,
probe some deep dark holes, and then hand over all your money.

After receiving the Nobel Prize, Sinclair Lewis became an object of great
interest, some of it quite fascinating.
One day, a letter arrived at his home, written by a young woman who said she
would like to be his secretary.
In the letter, she said she would do anything for him, adding
"And when I say anything, I mean anything."
The letter was intercepted by Lewis's wife, Dorothy.
She took it on her own to respond to the young woman, writing in her letter
that Lewis already had a secretary.
She went on to say that he also had a wife who did everything else for him,
adding:
"And when I say everything, I mean everything."


A Texan arrives at a New York Hotel, checks in and tells the desk clerk to
send up a bottle of good whiskey and a woman to his room. In a short while,
someone knocks on his door.
When he opens it, there stands an attractive lady in a Salvation Army
uniform.
He looks surprised but invites her in.
She says,
"You asked for a lady, didn't you?"
He says,
"Well, Yes," so she begins to disrobe. When she is almost undressed, she
stops suddenly and says,
"By the way, are you married or single?"
He says, "I'm married"
So, she starts to put all her clothes back on.
"What the Hell?" the Texan asks. Her reply,
"We're strictly for the needy, not the greedy!"

A blonde goes into the cleaners and drops off a blouse to be dry-cleaned.
As she's leaving, the man behind the counter says,
"Come again."
The blonde stops and says,
"No, it's mustard this time."