XXX ADULT PUNS

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: FARID Abdelcader <farid@sltnet.lk>
Date: Wed, Aug 21, 2013 at 7:09 AM
Subject: ADULT PUNS
To: undisclosed-recipients@sltnet.lk


ADULT PUNS

"Go to father," she said,
When he asked her to wed,
And she knew that he knew that her father was dead,
And she knew that he knew what a life he had led,
So she knew that he knew what she meant as she said,
"Go to father."



Texas makes me think of the old slogan
"Remember the Alamo."
It seems that during that battle, the guy in charge of the whole thing put
his wife, of all people, on the battle line.
She was shot by the enemy, shattered her patella, and had to be removed from
the front line.
After the fighting was over, she divorced her husband, and sued for Alamo
knee.

I fitted strobe lights in the bedroom.
They're brilliant.
It makes the wife look like she's actually moving during sex.

Three sisters wanted to get married, but their parents couldn't afford it so
they had all of them on the same day.
They also couldn't afford to go on a honeymoon
So they all stayed home with their new hubbies.
That night the mother got up because she couldn't sleep.
When she went past her oldest daughter's room she heard screaming.
Then she went to her second daughters room and she heard laughing.
Then she went to her youngest daughter's room and she couldn't hear
anything.
The next morning when the men left the mother asked her oldest daughter,
"Why were you screaming last night?"
The daughter replied
"Mom you always told me if something hurt I should scream."
"That's true."
She looked at her second daughter.
"Why were you laughing so much last night?"
The daughter replied
"Mom you always said that if something tickled you should laugh."
"That's also true."
Then the mother looked at her youngest daughter.
"Why was it so quiet in your room last night?"
The youngest daughter replied
"Mom you always told me I should never talk with my mouth full."

"How do you spell clitoris?"
"I don't know, but I had it on the tip of my tongue just a moment ago."

A young kid's in a shipwreck and he winds up stranded on a tropical island.
For twenty years he never sees another human being.
Then one day a beautiful girl with long blond hair, her clothes half-ripped
off, washes up on a piece of driftwood.
He explains to her how he existed for twenty years, digging for clams, and
eating fruits and berries.
She says,
"Well, what did you do for love?"
He says, "Love? What's that?"
She says,
"I'll show you."
She shows him.
Then she shows him again.
Then she shows him one more time.
When they're finally done, she says,
"Well, how do you like love?"
He says,
"It's great. But look what you did to my clam digger."

Jewish girls have gold diaphragms so they can tell their fathers that their
boyfriends are cumming into money!

Little Johnny and his dad are walking in the park when they pass two dogs
having intercourse.
"Daddy, what are those dogs doing?" asks Little Johnny.
His dad explains,
"Well, son, the one on top hurt his foot, and his friend is carrying him
home."
Little Johnny looks back at the dogs and remarks,
"Geez, ain't that just like a friend? You try to help him out and he screws
you every time!"

Bambi could never have been a mother If her hart hadn't been in the right
place (Alan F. G. Lewis)

Albert Einstein married his cousin after he had postulated that men have a
special attraction to the breasts of women in their own family.
He titled this his 'Theory of Relative Titty'.

Every Amish woman's private fantasy is two Mennonite!