..... And then the fight started
My wife sat down on the couch next to me as I was flipping
channels She asked, 'What's on TV?'
I said, 'Dust'
And then the fight started
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife was hinting about what she wanted for our upcoming
anniversary She said, 'I want something shiny that
goes from 0 to 150 in about 3 seconds!'
I bought her a scale
And then the fight started
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
When I got home last night, my wife demanded that I take
her someplace expensive so, I took her to a gas station
And then the fight started
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
After retiring, I went to the Social Security office to
apply for Social Security The woman behind the counter
asked me for my driver's license to verify my age I
looked in my pockets and realized I had left my wallet at
home I told the woman that I was very sorry, but I would
have to go home and come back later
The woman said, 'Unbutton your shirt' So I opened
my shirt revealing my curly silver hair She said, 'that
silver hair on your chest is proof of enough for me' and
she processed my Social Security application
When I got home, I excitedly told my wife about my
experience at the Social Security office
She said, 'You should have dropped your pants You
might have gotten disability, too'
And then the fight started
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
My wife and I were sitting at a table at my high school
reunion, and I kept staring at a drunken lady swigging her
drink as she sat alone at a nearby table
My wife asked, 'Do you know her?'
'Yes', I sighed, 'she's my old girlfriend
I understand she took to drinking right after we split up
those many years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober
since'
'My God!' says my wife, 'who would think a
person could go on celebrating that long?'
And then the fight started
------------ --------- --------- --------- ---------
I took my wife to a restaurant The waiter, for some
reason, took my order first
"I'll have the strip steak, medium rare,
please"
He said, "Aren't you worried about the mad
cow?""
Nah, she can order for herself"
And then the fight started
------------ --------- --------- ---
A woman is standing nude, looking in the bedroom mirror
She is not happy with what she sees and says to her
husband,
'I feel horrible; I look old, fat and ugly
I really need you to pay me a compliment'
The husband replies, 'Your eyesight's damn near
perfect'
And then the fight started
------------ --------- --------- ------
I tried to talk my wife into buying a case of Miller Light
for $1495
Instead, she bought a jar of cold cream for $795
I told her the beer would make her look better at night
than the cold cream
And then the fight started
------------ --------- --------- --------- -----
My wife asked me if a certain dress made her butt look big
I told her not as much as the dress she wore yesterday
And then the fight started
------------ --------- --------- --------- ------
A man and a woman were asleep like two innocent babies
Suddenly, at 3 o'clock in the morning, a loud noise
came from outside
The woman, bewildered, jumped up from the bed and yelled at
the man 'Holy crap that must be my husband!'
So the man jumped out of the bed; scared and naked jumped
out the window
He smashed himself on the ground, ran through a thorn bush
and to his car as fast as he could go A few minutes later
he returned and went up to the bedroom and screamed at the
woman, 'I AM your husband!'
The woman yelled back, 'Yeah, then why were you
running?'
And then the fight started
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go for our
anniversary? "It warmed my heart to see her face melt
in sweet appreciation "Somewhere I haven't been
in a long time!" She said So I suggested, "How
about the kitchen?"
And that's when the fight started
------------ --------- --------- --------- --------- ----
My wife and I are watching "Who Wants To Be A
Millionaire?", while we were in bed I turned to her
and said, "Do you want to have sex?"
"No," she answered I then said, "Is that
your final answer?" She didn't even look at me
this time, simply saying "Yes" So I said,
"Then I'd like to phone a friend"
And that's when the fight started
