Things Dogs Must Remember...

I will not play tug-of-war with Dad's underwear when he's
on the toilet.
.
The garbage collector is NOT stealing our stuff.
.
I do not need to suddenly stand straight up when I'm lying
under the coffee table.
.
I must shake the rainwater out of my fur BEFORE entering the house.
.
I will not eat the cats' food, before or after they eat it.
.
I will stop trying to find the few remaining pieces of
clean carpet in the house when I am about to throw up.
.
I will not roll on dead seagulls, fish, crabs, etc.
.
I will not lick my human's face after eating stinky food.
.
When in the car, I will not insist on having the window
rolled down when it's raining outside.
.
We do not have a doorbell. I will not bark each time I
hear one on TV.
.
I will not steal my family's underwear and dance all over
the back yard with it.
.
My head does not belong in the refrigerator.
.
I will not bite the officer's hand when he reaches in
for Mom's driver's license and car registration.