BRAND NEW of UDURAWANA

Name of the car
(Udurawana's friend bought a Toyota Corolla)
Udurawana : What is the name of your car ?
Friend : I forgot the name, but starts with 'T'.
Udurawana : Ohoo your car starts with Tea, and my car starts with Petrol.

Udurawana with a computer

Udurawana joined new job & got a chance of working with a computer for
the 1st time.
1st day he worked till late evening on the computer.
Boss was happy and asked what you did till evening.
Udurawana : Keyboard alphabets were not in order, so I made it alright.

Udurawana's SWOT analysis

1. Strength : My wife.
2. Weakness : My neighbor's wife.
3. Opportunity : When My neighbor is on tour.
4. Threat : When I am on tour

Who is the boss ??

Udurawana was tired of being bossed around by his wife; so he went to
a psychiatrist.

The psychiatrist said he needed to build his self-esteem, and so gave
him a book on assertiveness, which he read on the way home. He had
finished the book by the time he reached his house.

Udurawana stormed into the house and walked up to his wife. Pointing a
finger in her face, he said,

'From now on, I want you to know that *I* am the man of this house,
and my word is law! I want you to prepare me a gourmet meal tonight,
and when I'm finished eating my meal, I expect a sumptuous dessert
afterward.

Then, after dinner, you're going to draw me my bath so I can relax.
And when I'm finished with my bath, guess who's going to dress me and
comb my hair ....'

'The funeral director,' said his wife.

Flute

Udurawana : Hey man ! why did you give this useless flute to my son ?
Shopkeeper : What happened, sir ?
Udurawana : what happened ? this flute is full of holes....!!! !

Break Into the House

Udurawana went to the police station wishing to speak with the burglar
who had broken into his house the night before.
'You'll get your chance in court,' said the desk sergeant.
'No, no,no!' said Udurawana. 'I just want to know how he got into the
house without waking my wife. I've been trying to do that for years!'

Hearing

Udurawana had serious hearing problems for a number of years.
He went to the doctor and the doctor was able to have him fitted for a
set of hearing aids that allowed him to hear 100%.

He went back in a month to the doctor and the doctor said, 'Your
hearing is perfect. Your family must be really pleased that you can
hear again.'

Udurawana replied, 'Oh, I haven't told my family yet. I just sit
around and listen to the conversations. I've changed my will three
times!'

Communication

Udurawan & his friend tired of mobile & decide to use pigeons.
One day a pigeon reaches Udurawana without message.
Angry Udurawana calls his friend & asks
' Is this a miss call ???????????? '

Mother tongue.

Son(while filling up a form) : Dad, what should I write against mother tongue.?
Udurawana : Very long!

Door bell

A lady calls Udurawana for repairing door bell.
Udurawana doesn't turns up for 4 days.
Lady calls again.
Udurawana replies: I came 4 days, pressed the bell, but no one came out.

Lost key

Udurawana : I have swallowed a key.
Doctor: When?
Udurawana : 3 months back!
Doctor: What were you doing till now?
Udurawana : I was using duplicate key, now I have lost it too

Name of dogs

Udurawana who had acquired two new dogs, was visiting his friend,
and the friend asked what their names were.
Udurawana responded by saying that one was named 'Rolex' and one was
named 'Gemex'.
His friend said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'
'They're watch dogs!' answered Udurawana.

What is further away

Udurawana & neighbor living in Kandy were sitting one night on a bench
talking..... ...
The neighbor says to Udurawana,
'Which do you think is further away..... Colombo or the Moon ?'
Udurawana turns and says ' Colombo '
'Why ?????' The neighbor asks
'Can you see Colombo from here ????' Udurawana replies .

The act of unlocking

A customer arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up their car,
They were told that the keys had been accidentally locked in it.
He went to the service department and found the mechanic Udurawana.

Udurawana working feverishly to unlock the driver's side door.
As the customer watched from the passenger's side, he instinctively
tried the door handle and discovered it was open.
'Hey,' he announced to the technician, 'It`s open!'
'I know,' answered Udurawana. 'I already got that side. Now I am
trying to open driver's side '

Well prepared

Mrs Udurawana phoned Udurawana in the office and said: 'Darling, come
home early, we are going to have my mother for dinner.'

'Good' replied Udurawana, 'make sure she's prepared well'.