Fwd: Politically Incorrect - but funny

I got invited to a party and was told to dress to kill. Apparently a
turban, beard and a backpack wasn't what they had in mind.

After a night of drink, drugs and wild sex, Jim woke up to find
himself next to a really ugly woman. That's when he realized he had
made it home safely.

Seven wheelchair athletes have been banned from the Paralympics after
they tested positive for WD40.

A boy asks his granny, 'Have you seen my pills, they were labeled
LSD?' Granny replies, f**k the pills, have you seen the dragons in the
kitchen?

Wife gets naked and asks hubby, 'What turns you on more, my pretty
face or my sexy body?' Hubby looks her up and down and replies, 'Your
sense of humor!

The wife's back on the warpath again. She was up for making a sex
movie last night, all I did was suggest we should hold auditions for
her part.

I've accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles. My next crap could
spell disaster.

My sister-in-law sat on my glasses and broke them. It was my own
fault. I should have taken them off.

I spent a couple of hours defrosting the fridge last night, or
"foreplay" as she likes to call it.

After both suffering from depression for a while, me and the wife were
going to commit suicide yesterday. But strangely enough, once she
killed herself, I started to feel a lot better. So I thought, "Screw
it, soldier on!"

I woke up this morning at 8, and could sense something was wrong. I
got downstairs and found the wife face down on the kitchen floor, not
breathing! I panicked. I didn't know what to do. Then I remembered
McDonald's serves breakfast until 10:30.

Bought the missus a hamster skin coat last week. Took her to the fair
last night, and it took me 3 hours to get her off the Ferris wheel.

The other night, my wife asked me how many women I'd slept with. I
told her, "Only you. All the others kept me awake all night!"

My missus packed my bags, and as I walked out the front door, she
screamed, "I wish you a slow and painful death, you bastard!
"Oh," I replied, "so now you want me to stay!"

A Catholic boy in confession says, "Bless me Father, I have sinned, I
masturbated while thinking about my sister. "That's a disgrace," said
the priest," especially when you have two gorgeous brothers."

I've just installed strobe lights in the bedroom. It makes the wife
look like she's moving during sex.